We talk a lot in our family and is close, but I remember a time when we did not talk about feelings. We have navigated that minefield, but it hasn’t been easy. So when I became a parent, I was on a mission. I wanted to teach my children how to acknowledge and articulate feelings.
That is when things became slightly involved
Teaching something you do not have was bound to be challenging, however, my idealistic self did not know that. I had a plan to approach this as I did every other task. Through education, I would read listen to and research information around parenting. I believe this is a role that requires continuous development.
At times we approach parenting from the point of view that once we have a child, we will automatically know what to do. I am not sure about you, but mine did not come with a handbook. Therefore giving myself permission to learn and grow into the role was essential.
If you are a growing parent like me; here are some key things to consider:
- Decide on a parenting identity. I have made the decision to avoid shame and chose vulnerability. I talk openly about attachment and the impact of childhood trauma on parenting. I broach the subjects that people are uncomfortable talking about because they are afraid of being judged.
- The ability to be open will be of greater benefit to your child than if you take the closed emotionally unavailable route. I know from my experience of working with dozens of women over the years that this is not a path one chose, but sometimes we inherit the ability to be emotionally inaccessible. If you identify yourself with this group, please know that there is help available. With the support of a good therapist, you can heal from childhood injuries and learn the skills necessary to form a secure relationship with your child.