I have read many books that talk about the importance of a healthy relationship between men and their fathers. For this relationship to have the maximum benefit of the person, it needs to start early in the boy’s life. The influence of a father figure in the lives of children has clear advantages. I would like to join the debate, not to further state the importance of a father figure; though, undoubtedly the significance of a present, contributing and involved male character to the development of boys is well documented.
I would like to suggest that a woman needs her mother too. It is sometimes a taken for granted assumption that a young girl once developed into womanhood instinctively knows how to be a mother, she will automatically connect with her husband and those around her. The truth is these will be made easier through the connection the child makes with her mother or female caregivers. Sadly, these relationships can become unhealthy and hurtful and leave young women without the necessary tools to efficiently navigate important roles and responsibilities. As a result, some fumble their way through life, never knowing what is wrong and how to fix it.
A woman needs her mother to teach her how to be a wife and mother.
The tutorledge includes learning much more than the how to of domestic life. I believe the impact of a present and emotionally available woman has a tremendous impact on the girl and blossoming, young lady.
From mothers, girls learn the crucial lesson of respect.
Respect for their choices, opinions and beliefs.
They learn here how to treat their spouses and those around them. Mothers model the importance of setting and maintaining healthy and appropriate boundaries within marriage and relationships; the mother-daughter relationship teaches the value and importance of connecting with her children and helps with making the transition into womanhood easier.
I am mindful that many things prevent some women from being present. Some have Issues that they are still struggling with and as a result are unable to provide appropriate and necessary guidance to their daughters. For example, the woman that does not have any real examples of her own to draw from, the mother who also struggled with her issues of abuse, rejection and lack of maternal connection. These problems inadvertently get passed on to the children. Therefore, for some women, the relationship between themselves and their mother has been fraught with the pain of abuse, rejection, abandonment and a host of other issues that may hinder them from moving on without support.
Can you identify with anything stated above?
If You are one of these women, and your experiences with your mother have been such that you need to work through any difficulties or pain, see a counsellor or find a trusted and wise person to talk to.
I can also appreciate that it’s hard for some to acknowledge that there was anything but love and peace in their homes and their relationships with their mothers. It can sometimes seem disloyal to voice and put a name to the feelings and logjam of emotions that cripples and hinder active connection with others. Should you be thinking that giving credence to these thoughts somehow makes you a horrible person? It does not; being honest with you is a good place to be. It is a place where healing and restoration can begin.
Do not deny your feelings. It is useful to add that sometimes approaching your mother or caregiver does not mean that your feelings will be validated. Trust your feelings and your memories of what you experienced and seek help to process and move on from them. Healing is possible and achievable.