These series of posts on depression speaks largely to the Christian community. It would appear that certain circles people seemingly do not have ‘permission’ to go through any kind of mental ill health. Nevertheless, we live in a sinful world and we experience the effects of sin both physically and emotionally. Sadly, children are also impacted. According to www.gov.uk, ‘The British Child and Adolescent Mental Health Surveys in 1999 and 2004 found that 1 in 10 children and young people under the age of 16 had a diagnosable mental disorder. Among the 5 to 10-year-olds, 10% of boys and 5% of girls had a mental health problem while among the 11 to 16-year-olds the prevalence was 13% for boys and 10% for girls.2, 3. www.gov.uk
Unfortunately, we are not always privy to the why’s of these statistics and at times, answers are not straightforward. Nonetheless; these are real children from real homes that are affected by mental health. Let us consider the percentage of these families that may be in your church, what kind of help is available? Can you confidently signpost affected families to appropriate outside agencies? What would you do if they decided to share their journey? We are encouraged in Galatians 6:2 to ‘carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of christ.’ How well do our actions meet the requirements in the verse?
Perhaps you are a parent reading this and are unsure how to begin to understand what is happening to your child. You may feel out of your depth, or imagine that you are lacking in the correct skills to be able to offer assistance, you are not alone. I am not sure any parent or person who has ever supported someone with a mental health diagnosis can say in the first instance they knew exactly what to do. The truth is, it will be a steep learning curve, in spite of that, do not underestimate the power of loving, affectionate care.
Depression in children and young people can have serious consequences, it can impact their ability to learn and retain information, and depression can also affect job performance and influence social isolation. As a parent caring for a child or young person who is depressed, you can also experience social isolation as you contemplate when, how or if you should share what is happening. This question is easier to answer if you have a community that you know will love you through it. However, due to ignorance and stereotyping some people are forced to withdraw and protect what they see as the family secret. No family should be placed in this position.
Unfortunately, shame can thrive in situations like this, many will find it challenging to talk about their child’s illness. I am not sure whether any parent is able to go through this experience without first thinking what did I do wrong? This may extend to feelings of being judge and criticise or your parenting scrutinised. This can heighten the temptation to, ‘keep this a secret’ another family secret that we must not talk about. If you are a parent in this situation,
The reality is life does not stop happening when an issue like this arise within the family and somehow as the parent, you can find the strength and courage necessary to do everything else. You may be required to continue being the parent for the others as well as support the child with depression. And somehow you have to find the strength to deal with this darkness that you do not understand, have no answers for and cannot explain. It seems you are needed elsewhere and be there in the thick of the crisis for the child needing you most.
I am sure there are days when your emotional reserve may run low and coping may seem impossible. I will encourage you if you are a parent in this situation that you also seek support for you. Secure assistance to comfort you while you support your child.
Support group
When we hide sometimes it makes the problem appear bigger than they are. Having the encouragement of a group of people who understand and can relate to your experience could be hugely beneficial in helping you deal with this period that you are in.
Therapy
Therapy could be another avenue to explore it can help you make sense of the situation and manage the every day up’s and down’s of depression.
As parents we sometimes tend to think of ourselves last and the thought of seeking support for you may not have entered your mind, however, I would like to encourage you to consider this as a way of helping you help your child.
Resources for parents – www.youngminds.org.uk they have a wealth of resources, trained staff and a helpline for parents.
