Wounds To Scars

Category: Parenting

  • Parenting can be Challenging

    Parenting can be Challenging

    Teach feelings

    We talk a lot in our family and is close, but I remember a time when we did not talk about feelings.  We have navigated that minefield, but it hasn’t been easy.  So when I became a parent, I was on a mission.  I wanted to teach my children how to acknowledge and articulate feelings.

    That is when things became slightly involved

    Teaching something you do not have was bound to be challenging, however, my idealistic self did not know that.  I had a plan to approach this as I did every other task.  Through education, I would read listen to and research information around parenting.  I believe this is a role that requires continuous development.

    At times we approach parenting from the point of view that once we have a child, we will automatically know what to do.  I am not sure about you, but mine did not come with a handbook.  Therefore giving myself permission to learn and grow into the role was essential.

    If you are a growing parent like me; here are some key things to consider:

    • Decide on a parenting identity.   I have made the decision to avoid shame and chose vulnerability.  I talk openly about attachment and the impact of childhood trauma on parenting.  I broach the subjects that people are uncomfortable talking about because they are afraid of being judged.
    • The ability to be open will be of greater benefit to your child than if you take the closed emotionally unavailable route.  I know from my experience of working with dozens of women over the years that this is not a path one chose, but sometimes we inherit the ability to be emotionally inaccessible.  If you identify yourself with this group, please know that there is help available.  With the support of a good therapist, you can heal from childhood injuries and learn the skills necessary to form a secure relationship with your child.
    Follow us on Facebook @woundstoscars where this conversation will continue tomorrow.

     

  • Give the Gift of Healing

    Give the Gift of Healing

    One of the most important gifts that we can give to our children is the gift of a whole and emotionally available parent.  Sometimes some fail at providing this because they are afraid of walking the journey of healing.  They fear that tackling the childhood trauma might break them.  They fear this process so much that they shut down and become unavailable to everyone even their children.

    It is important to keep in mind that when we are unable to be present emotionally for our children, they are learning how to relate from us.   The guide that we currently use may have come from the script that we got as children.  Nevertheless, we have the power to change the trajectory of our children’s lives by challenging and making conscious efforts to heal from the past.

    Give the gift of healing

    Do not postpone your healing.  It is important that you tackle the things that have held you back for years.  You have the power to stop cycles of abuse abandonment and neglect that perhaps have been present in your family for generations.

    At times fear will tell you that if you begin to tackle long held trauma that you will never be the same.  That is true; healing is a journey of self-discovery.  Through this process, you will learn more about yourself than any other period in your history.  It is a journey worth taking.

    Your past does not have to define you.  However, failure to process the challenging effects of childhood guarantees that the past will define who you are.  It is true that our past sometimes determines and help to shape who we are, but that doesn’t have to be a negative process or outcome.  Whether it is or isn’t is dependent on you.

    Your children deserve the gift of healing.  You are the mirror that they use to show them who they will be.  Think about the image you want them to reflect.

    Your future deserves to be healthy and happy.  Postponing healing robs you of the potential of that future.

    We have put together a series of training designed to help you through the process of self-discovery and healing.  You can access it here.  Healing your wounded self

    Additionally, you can join me in our private Facebook group wounds that heal for ongoing support

  • This is How the Church Should Respond to Abuse

    This is How the Church Should Respond to Abuse

    The church response to abuse

    Over the years I have met many women battling with regret, they are sometimes deeply saddened when reflecting on the number of years they spent in abusive and toxic relationships. I do not encourage regret because there is nothing we can do about the past except to learn from it and grow. I teach women how to learn from their experiences and grow through the pain of disappointment and broken dreams to become strong, capable and able to live a life of purpose by engaging in fulfilling activities.

    Another salient theme is the church’s response to abuse.  There seems to be a shared and persistent issue of encouraging women to stay in relationships that have become unsafe for them and their children. Sometimes people quoted scriptures and piled on guilt.

    This is how the church should respond to abuse

    However, there is a significant component that isn’t considered.  Unfortunately, in these scenarios, the needs of the children are often overlooked.  Many do not or perhaps choose to ignore the impact of abuse on children.

    Children who witness domestic abuse are in effect being traumatised themselves, and we need to develop a community response to violence that will incorporate the impact of the abuse on children.  Perhaps this approach will help those in leadership to assist the families to find solutions that will end the violence or help the victim to find a safe place to be with the children.

    The risk factors for children who live with these difficulties are higher than those who don’t.  Because of the emotional state that it places them in.

    The Parenting After Childhood Trauma program seeks to help women who have experienced traumas in the past.  The program is designed to give women skills and tools to help them work through their problems and be emotionally present for their kids.

    • The PACT program will assist them in
    • Addressing their pain and its impact on them and others.
    • Help women become more emotionally available to their children
    • Empower women to connect with their children and begin to form bonds or rebuild relationship

    Additionally, join me for weekly training in the private Facebook Group Wounds that Heal