Category: Parents

Parenting is one of those areas that can be shame generating.

If you are the mother whose child is active

Talkative, Shy, silent type, energetic and effervescent.

There might be times when you receive free unsolicited and unwanted advice or just scrolled at across the room because little John was just his usual self.

In my last blog, I talk about parenting identity, and my one regret is; I wish I had decided on one earlier.  However, for a long time, I tried to keep up with the status quo and sought to fit my children into the boxes that were prescribed by others.

I remember an awkward conversation after a stressful day.  This discussion came after I received a very lengthy email, from another woman complaining about my son.  I was not in the mood and told her so.  Needless to say, the meeting did not go well.

Be patient with yourself

I learnt that I began parenting from a different place to some people; therefore, patience and kindness to myself was paramount.  I had to let go of the need to be liked and not allow other people to dictate how I approach this journey.

Trauma and parenting

My children were 6 & 2 as I work through the hell of childhood trauma. During that time I was present physically, but It was extra effort to ensure I engage in play or touch the child who likes hugs and spends time with the one whose love language is quality time.

To be emotionally present requires parts of me that I did not have and throughout this, I had to learn how not to deny my emotional and relational needs.  I had to remind myself that in looking after me I will be able to show up in a better way for my children.

In my course parenting after a childhood trauma, I address patterns and help you find solutions that will be beneficial to your kids.  If you would like to heal from your childhood challenges without an adverse impact on your children.  Sign up here for the next run of the course Parenting After Childhood Trauma which begins August 15^th.

Teach feelings

We talk a lot in our family and is close, but I remember a time when we did not talk about feelings.  We have navigated that minefield, but it hasn’t been easy.  So when I became a parent, I was on a mission.  I wanted to teach my children how to acknowledge and articulate feelings.

That is when things became slightly involved

Teaching something you do not have was bound to be challenging, however, my idealistic self did not know that.  I had a plan to approach this as I did every other task.  Through education, I would read listen to and research information around parenting.  I believe this is a role that requires continuous development.

At times we approach parenting from the point of view that once we have a child, we will automatically know what to do.  I am not sure about you, but mine did not come with a handbook.  Therefore giving myself permission to learn and grow into the role was essential.

If you are a growing parent like me; here are some key things to consider:

• Decide on a parenting identity.   I have made the decision to avoid shame and chose vulnerability.  I talk openly about attachment and the impact of childhood trauma on parenting.  I broach the subjects that people are uncomfortable talking about because they are afraid of being judged.
• The ability to be open will be of greater benefit to your child than if you take the closed emotionally unavailable route.  I know from my experience of working with dozens of women over the years that this is not a path one chose, but sometimes we inherit the ability to be emotionally inaccessible.  If you identify yourself with this group, please know that there is help available.  With the support of a good therapist, you can heal from childhood injuries and learn the skills necessary to form a secure relationship with your child.