You might notice this in the behaviours and interactions of the people around you. If you do, be a safe and supportive space for them to come when triggered.
Blog
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Trauma symptoms
Today in my workshop on connection, a young person asked the symptoms of depression. After answering her question, I thought about you. The people in my community. I decided to share some of the symptoms of trauma so that you can know the signs and be ready to help when needed. Or be ready to get help for yourself should you need it.
You might notice this in the behaviours and interactions of the people around you. If you do, be a safe and supportive space for them to come when triggered. -
Every Problem has a Solution
Every problem has a solution, but no problem has a perfect solution.
Sometimes when approaching problems, we apply a range of techniques. Some of these are designed to sabotage any chance of a resolution. This might sound counterproductive to a decision but sometimes some people do not want closure. Some individuals like the idea of being in perpetual crises.
Sometimes the on-going pressure means that someone will come to their aid.Family values
Sometimes cultures within certain families mean that individuals will apply specific solutions to certain problems. When those techniques don’t work, then it could feel like the problem is unsolvable.To solve problems you have to be ready to apply a range of techniques that can help you reach a solution that is agreeable to you. Prepare to learn new strategies and explore different avenues.
Fear
Fear will also stop you from exploring different options, fear of what the future holds, and fear of the outcome at times prevents people from applying creative solutions.No problem has a perfect solution
Thinking your questions should have an ideal solution could potentially exacerbate the situation. It might stop you from approaching a position with an open mind and prevent you from being flexible. The perfect solution might be the one where compromise and negotiating takes place. What is right for your friend may not be an ideal fit for you. You are unique, and therefore the solutions to your challenges will be tailor-made for you. -
Loving your Inner Child
Getting to the place where you can love your wounded self is an essential stage in healing.
The purpose
Learning to love your inner child helps to fill the gaps created through lack of love. It also helps you live a more fulfilling life where you can experience love, peace and joy. In this article, I would like to share some essential tools that will help you love the side of you that have never experienced affection, protection and kindness.Why is this necessary?
When we experienced traumatic incidents in early years especially in those stages when the brain is developing we learn how to tell ourselves stories about our experiences. Without healing, we access and use the same resources as adults.Here are nine things that you can begin to do now to love your inner child.
You are unique – maybe you’ve never heard this before, but this is an important thing to tell yourself. Repeat the activity as many times as is needed for it to become a habit.
Tone – speak to yourself in a warm and soothing sound. Be supportive, nurturing and comforting. You may have to do this at difficult times such as when you are resorting to regular coping mechanisms.
Respects – the choices that you’ve made, they were made with all the information and resources that you had at the time.
Be empathic – when she feels afraid offer comfort and support. Tell her she will never need to feel fear again because she has you. You will only allow safe, trustworthy people in her life and she will not get hurt.
Advocate – Speak up on her behalf. You might be around people who do not understand trauma symptoms. They might be impatient, harsh and intolerant of certain behaviours. Speak up on her behalf. Before this happens, it will be crucial for you to accept that in certain situations you will automatically resort to a child like a behaviour.
The strategies that you develop to cope as a child with certain circumstances will manifest themselves now. That’s because the brain recorded these instructions and at times when a similar experience occurred the brain suggests the old ways of coping as a viable way to deal with the situation. Be kind to you at these times and speak up for you when people try to show impatience or intolerance.Give her a voice – Make it ok for her to share her story. Initially, you can do this by journaling. After that, you can do it by sharing with those who have shown themselves worthy of hearing it.
• You can also share with a professional who will be able to understand, empathise, feedback and cheer you on as you make changes.Check in’s – Do regular check in’s ask how she is feeling and listen to what is said. You can achieve this by taking regular time outs. Sitting in silence is an excellent way to connect with and listen to your inner child. Allow whatever emotions surface if she wants to cry let her cry.
Treats. – Make birthdays and special occasions unique. Treat her often. Celebrate successes and milestone.
There are many more things you can do to love on you. Whatever you do, be intentional, you deserve it. If you like to learn more about loving your inner child, our three-part audio series Healing your Inner Child will help. Use code LOVEME to get £20 off
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Three Steps to Overcome Fear
It seems natural for some people to encourage others to show strength. Some of these encouragers have never had to demonstrate this kind of courage. However, they feel justified in giving others advice on courage.
It is also easy to tell someone to chin up’, don’t be afraid when you’ve never tested your theory. Some people know the potential of fear but shrink from its intensity and therefore makes no effort to walk through the pain to discover what is on the other side.
These persons dispense advice freely and sometimes responds harshly to people who struggle with despair. With this group, they are impatient and often unforgiving and wrestle with understanding why their opinion is discarded.
If you are struggling with I fear, I understand, the fight is real. The battle to maintain a positive mindset and attitude amid trauma or disappointment is challenging.
However, it is possible to allow yourself to feel the fear and manage the overwhelming emotions that accompany it. Here are three things you could begin to try now.
1. Be patient
Be patient with you, whatever that thing is that has triggered fear it’s real, unravelling it might take time and patience. Permit yourself to take the time that is needed.
2. Be understanding
Show yourself empathy and care. Be supportive of your efforts to understand the root of the problem so that you can create change. Understand that fear might be a learnt response and to get past it you will need to be focus and consistent.
3. Be honest
Be honest with where you are and how you are feeling. Take frequent inventory of your thoughts and feelings. Owning them will help you to be able to let go of them and find a resolution.
There will probably be some element of fear in most areas of life. Applying the strategies above could help.