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Two weeks ago I spoke on the topic of from broken to wholeness at a women’s ministry event; it was one of my most transformative presentations to date.  In the afternoon we delve deeper into the topic of wholeness and focus mostly on the how’s.  I used my new course HEALING THE WOUNDED HEART and led the audience through some of the steps that need to be taken to begin to answer that how.

Healing can be a difficult subject and topic to face and work through, despite that I was impressed that people were happy to be vulnerable and ask specific questions regarding their particular situations, some gave examples of the approach they use in overcoming.

I returned home from that event on a high I was humbled by the remarkable women I had a chance to speak with who had survived and was thriving despite tremendous odds.  It was a testimony of the power of God to heal when we corporate with Him.  Their healing reinforces the truth that when you hide from the stuff that has happened victory will be delayed, but with hard work, perseverance, and support you can accomplish anything.

Following my return home I had to deal with another side of my pain. The attack was unexpected and earth shattering in its impact.  I am going, being honest for three days I felt like I was falling back into darkness.

Here are the three strategies that I used to relieve emotional pain, they helped to retain my grounding.

Three strategies that will help heal emotional pain

1. I Honestly, Communicate my Needs

I honestly described my need to my husband and asked for help.  When you are in a place of uncertainty, pain and need healing it is important that you are honest with those around you as well as with yourself and own the position.  I acknowledge that this new information was painful, I was angry and it took me back to a place when shame and self-hate featured significantly in my internal dialogue.  I hated the fact that one person had the power to send me hurtling back to the broken child I was then.

My husband took an extra day off, and I was able to spend time in prayer and solitude I needed to hear the voice of God.  In this place, the noise of my thoughts receded and I heard is voice clearly reaffirming me.  He reminded me how far I had come and who I was today.  He helped me reframe the negative words I had heard and reinforced my worth.

2. Prayer and meditation

Prayer was crucial at this time. Sometimes my prayer were periods of silences as I allow myself to fully experience what was in my heart and the impact of what I had heard on my body.  I located the place of the pain and was able to pray about that.  I was honest with God and told Him what I felt; I talked out my anger.  Eventually, I could reinforce that I had forgiven and confirmed that I will continue to forgive. On the third day, the fog cleared, and I felt renewed.  Prayer plays a crucial role in healing.

Yesterday as I shared this experience with my support, she reminded me that Jesus rose on the third day and because of that we will always be able to gain the victory from suffering.

3. Support

I honestly communicated my need to my husband who offered practical help and I was able to share openly with a friend.  She listened reflected back and held me when I needed it and challenged when it was necessary.

As you go through different experiences identifying and using support appropriately will be the difference between receiving healing and freedom or staying stuck in an unhealthy dysfunction.

The Power of all Three

Communication, prayer, and support are all necessary ingredients for healing.   Sometimes the mistake people make is in using one or two and not the combination of all three when this happens healing is delayed or stagnates.

If you are in a place where you would like to access support, we have a New Course Beginning Tomorrow that will provide a safe community where you will feel comfortable in exploring the issues that are holding you back.

Once again cases of past sexual abuse dominate the headlines.   At times like this, I often wonder about the families of those impacted by someone’s selfish behaviour.  I know only too well the depth of the pain of sexual abuse and its far-reaching, long-term effects.

People’s reaction to sexual trauma always amazes me; recently I heard a story that was shocking in its intensity and the strength of my anger frightened me.  Many years ago I determined that I would help give a voice to those who experienced abuse and stay silent out of shame, crippled by guilt or fear.  This advocacy becomes urgent when silence becomes misunderstood, misconstrued and trivialise.

Victims of sexual assault become experts at maintaining secrets; we can hold the most sensitive information without anyone finding out. Unfortunately, this can have a devasting impact on your physical and mental health.

Understanding the secrecy of abuse and the link to concern for others

Here are five reasons why People keep abuse a secret

1. because they are trying to protect others from the pain of what they experienced.

2. Some individuals maintain silence because they are deeply sensitive to the feelings of the people that will be the recipient of their story.

3. They care about sometimes families inability to handle the weight of their disclosure;

4. They are concerned about the relationship that exists among extended families and wondered whether disclosure would cause irreparable damage.

5. They understand that speaking also means having to relieve the pain of their experiences by trying to satisfy some people’s need for information as they make their minds up about who to believe.

Survivors also stay silent as a means of self-protection.

These are weighty responsibilities that survivors wish they did not have to bear.  They maintain secrecy because they care deeply about the opinion of others.  Survivors choose to conceal the truth because they are also protecting themselves from the viciousness of others inability to offer support and comfort without asking questions and validating perpetrators actions.

Survivors will often come to understand that in keeping silent they are not only protecting the people they both love but they are also protecting the abuser.  Sometimes that is a lot to acknowledge and digest.

Will Anyone Validate my Pain

Victims do not keep silent because they are foolish; they remain silent because they are afraid and do not want to deal with other people’s drama about their trauma.