Wounds To Scars

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  • 3 Things To Do When You Want To Give Up

    3 Things To Do When You Want To Give Up

    flowers give up new

    Whatever life has decided to give you at this moment, do not give up until you have tried these three things.

    Change your Self-talk

    What you tell yourself about your situation will be pivotal to your ability to overcoming and not giving up.   Repeating the voices around you can distract and get you off course.  They can divert you from fulfilling your purpose, meeting your goals and keeping promises that you made to yourself.

    Bring your internal dialogue into line with who God says you are and what He says about you.  Know that and believe that and you will begin to see and hear your internal discourse change.  For more help with changing yourself, talk read here https://www.woundstoscars.com/controlling-negative-automatic-thoughts/

    Tell yourself the truth

    Sometimes we downplay our experiences, brush them under the carpet, try to forget them by burying them under food, dysfunctional relationships, drugs, sex or the list can go on.  Nevertheless, telling yourself the truth might be owning that this situation has been happening, the event occurred, accepting that you are hurt, was wounded and is still hurting.  Telling yourself the truth might be admitting that you can make it.  You can change, you can grow through your current situation.

    Right, here might be the place where you chose to stop believing the lies told to you.  Lies such as; you are not good enough, you do not have what it takes to move on, survive, change, erect and maintain boundaries and learn to spot unsafe people.

    Telling yourself the truth might mean telling you that you will make it, that you have made that decision.  The one that took years but now that you have done it, everything will be okay.  You have what it takes to survive this season.  Look around you learn what you need to and step into your next season with the awareness of the experience gained, battles fought and overcame.

    Believe your story

    I posted a picture on Facebook recently, and the suggestion came up ‘be the first to like your picture, this will encourage others to like it too’. I paused for a while because I had never liked my pictures and articles, this was a new concept to me; nevertheless, I did.  I clicked like because I believed in what I had posted and wanted others to see that.

    I am making a similar suggestion to you.   Your story happened, it may still be happening you need to validate whatever your experiences have been by believing it.  In some situations individuals may send the message that your story is not valid, it did not happen as you remember or how you perceived.  However, this is your story, you know what you have been through, is going through and how it feels.  Believing it could be the first step to you making the decision to change where you are.

    Embracing your story teach others to believe it too.  If you talk about it do so with confidence, demonstrate the certainty that yes this has been or is my experience

  • Shame Interrupted

    Shame Interrupted

    book review

     

    Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts The Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection is written by Edward T. Welch

    He starts by saying ‘I hate shame.’

    ‘I know there is a place for it.  Utter Shamelessness is not what we are after.  I have learned much through the shame I’ve experienced…But I still hate it; I hate how pervasive it is, how it stalks in disguise beneath so many modern problems.  Look under anger, fear, even guilt, and you will find a root of shame..’

    I can relate to the paragraph above from personal experience as well as from working for many years in counselling.  It was also evident in my clients battling addictions.  Shame is ubiquitous; it is obstructive and destructive.  If you can identify with shame and would like to understand it and gain insight into how to untangle from the fruits of shame, this will be a good place to start.

     

     

  • Facing Unexpected Situations

    Facing Unexpected Situations

  • The Impact of Loneliness

    The Impact of Loneliness

    break cycle resizeCathy is a spiritual woman.  She and her husband are both church and community leaders and have decided that Cathy would be a stay at home mom.  However, over time, Cathy began to experience loneliness.  Initially, it was simply a frustration with the reality of waking up to the hard work of doing the same thing every day.  She was bored with her life.  Due to her leadership positions, she didn’t feel she could tell anyone that she was struggling. 

    Cathy is not alone, studies show that midlife loneliness is on the rise.  According to Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Manchester. Midlife loneliness is reaching epidemic proportions among 30 and 40+.  Gary Cooper said women can have greater social needs than men- they feel loneliness more acutely and seek out friendships in a way that men don’t.

    I decided to test this idea on a friend, and the result stunned me.  I discovered that they were people close to me that were experiencing loneliness.  My friend gave me an example of basically feeling alone and left out.  She felt church was no longer a community and she was struggling to fit in.  People she was once close to were growing spiritually and were making different choices.  She was being left out of prayer groups and other events that some of her friends planned, and she is left wondering where do I fit.

    Some things that can isolate us.

    • Working from home
    • Moving to a new town and not knowing anyone
    • Loneliness in marriage – everyone else seems so happy, will I be misunderstood and seem like a not a good enough Christian if I decided to share.
    • The introvert who sometimes finds it difficult to connect socially.

    Ways to overcome loneliness

    • Children are good ice breakers, they connect with other children easily and as this could be an easy way to meet other parents.
    • Join groups of like-minded people, for example, leveraging your interest and hobbies could be another way of meeting people.  Perhaps you could join the local writing group or book club.  They may have a walking, flower arranging or bible study group.  These are advertised in post offices, doctors offices and sometimes local supermarkets.
    • Own it, do not feel guilty about your social needs.
    • Exercise – the gym is a great way to meet people. I hate the gym but love walking and so I have a friend that when I need a good long walk and some company I call her.
    • Social media- makes it easy to stay in touch.
    • Taking the first step may appear daunting but do not become frightened by the idea of trying, do not assume people do not want to make new friends.