I will never forget this particular manager, we had a special relationship; she hated me. It felt like this was her instant reaction to me and she made no effort to conceal it. It was very difficult to work with someone who dislikes you especially when that someone is your boss. However, one Friday, it was turning point day. We were discussing monthly figures when she spotted a poem I had taped to my computer the title was ‘I am not a victim’ this poem helped me to maintain focus when things got difficult at work. She asked for a copy. I was treated differently from then on, I do not believe she suddenly liked me but she respected someone who was not going to fight the way she did or give in to her underhand tactics. Not long after she left the company, I won the war.
In healing that is ultimately the purpose, winning the war. Nevertheless, I have, to be honest, healing hurts.
- It will hurt to face things you have buried,
- It will hurt to face things that you only relive in the deepness of midnight when no one else is around, where the tears can flow freely.
- It will hurt when you have to stop lying to yourself, stop comforting yourself with food and medicate your pain with alcohol, pornography or whatever it is that you use.
Sometimes we allow anger to keep us in a place of pain longer than we ought to. For more on this read, my recent post chose action not anger
Bitterness and anger are closely related and it is difficult to over time nurse anger without becoming bitter. Sometimes we rehearse over and over in our minds things we would like to do to our abusers sometimes that can be helpful in a safe therapeutic space. When this becomes our every day and dominates our thought life then it is time to take action, not in your thoughts but make the decision to get help. Find a safe space to deal with the anger; you will be able to say the words that you never had the opportunity to say, you will have the space to vent and release years of pain and hurt.
The best revenge that you can give, the best comeback, the best fight back, the best strategy to win your abuser, tormentor rejected and the people who have sidelined and discriminated against you is to find freedom and keep moving. With this strategy, the hurt that was meant to hold you back is actually being used as fuel for your fire. This fire will help you get through nightmare filled nights and help you face the fears at dawn. It will give you the courage to find therapy, a support group, sign up for that retreat that you have been thinking but had not committed to.
I understand the fear because the fear represents the voice that has been around for a long time, it is the voice of your abuser or tormentor and it has become your voice and you have accepted it. You have begun to believe what they say. You remember once upon a time when you had fought back. The best revenge is to learn how to replace the tape of negative messages that damaged your self-esteem and attacked your worth as a person.
Recovery will mean:
- You can trust yourself again
- Listen to your voice and internalise it.
- Trust people
- Accept support
- Tell your story
- Be free
