Wounds To Scars

Tag: fear of trusting

  • Loving Requires Vulnerability

    Loving Requires Vulnerability

    When we’ve been hurt we struggle with a couple of areas. Some of those areas are crucial to the health of any relationship. However, the damage sustained in early life can hinder growth.

    Trust, vulnerability and communication are important components of any healthy relationship.

    Trust
    If you have never experienced the world as a safe place, it impacts your ability to trust. We learn to trust others by experiencing people as reliable. Honesty is essential in the survival of any relationship. However, trust needs time to build. If you notice that you struggle to let others in, give yourself time to heal the broken trust and patiently seek to rebuild.
    It is important to note that having safe boundaries is a part of building trust. Permit yourself to do whatever it takes to feel safe again.

    Vulnerability
     Vulnerability grows as we permit ourselves to share parts of us with others. For example, there is some degree of exposure necessary to articulate to others our need for comfort. Expressing an emotion or asking for a need to be met takes courage. However, when you allow yourself to heal and grow sharing your need will become more comfortable.

    Listening
     Listening creates a dialogue where the other person will also have the opportunity to speak. Listening gives insight into thought processes and provides information that will be vital to the building of safe relationships.

  • No One Understands

    No One Understands

    flower-meadow- new‘No one understands’ that is the cry from the heart of many Christian women. On many occasions, I reflected honestly on this statement and thought through the possible reasons for this declaration.

    As I listened, I do not judge rather I  endeavour to understand, and grapple with the concept, People who were supposed to be in community, feels the community is failing them at a fundamental level. How do we begin to understand this deep fear of trust that is developing in women in our midst?  How do we help them know that Jesus knows and that he can relate to their struggles?  I submit that we will not be able to do that successfully until we start reflecting the love, care and concern that we are telling people that He gives.  We have to be willing to do care without condemnation and love without restriction.

    In listening, I found that two crucial things seemed to be present in the instances where lack of trust appears.

    Religious Abuse

    Is this even possible, there are times when I say this phrase and receive a suspicious look, what do you mean?  I will explain.  Let us take for example the woman struggling with the things that life is giving her at the moment.  She desperately needs someone to talk to, someone who will listen.  However, as opposed to being loved she gets condemnation.  Pharses such as ‘you are not reading your Bible enough’ is frequently given. Scriptures quoted in abundance.  She becomes sidelined and not given responsibilities.  This attitude compounds the situation, she withdraws and tries to hide on the fringes.

    Fear of Trusting 

    Due to the impact of the religious abuse trust is severely damaged and scriptures begin to be just words on a page.  Words that is failing to have the influence they once did.  Love and community can help.  It is easy to withdraw and make the decision to self-protect however; this will prevent you from seeing when help arrives.  If the attitude of painting everyone with the same brush is embraced you run the risk of missing out on that retreat, workshop or person that would help you make sense of your current position.

    Stepping out in faith will mean choosing to trust despite previous reception.  Do take care and keep boundaries firmly in place; they will enable you to spot unsafe people.  Neverthelss, do not set them so high that you keep out the people who would help to love you through your current season.