Getting to the place where you can love your wounded self is an essential stage in healing.
The purpose
Learning to love your inner child helps to fill the gaps created through lack of love. It also helps you live a more fulfilling life where you can experience love, peace and joy. In this article, I would like to share some essential tools that will help you love the side of you that have never experienced affection, protection and kindness.
Why is this necessary?
When we experienced traumatic incidents in early years especially in those stages when the brain is developing we learn how to tell ourselves stories about our experiences. Without healing, we access and use the same resources as adults.
Here are nine things that you can begin to do now to love your inner child.
You are unique – maybe you’ve never heard this before, but this is an important thing to tell yourself. Repeat the activity as many times as is needed for it to become a habit.
Tone – speak to yourself in a warm and soothing sound. Be supportive, nurturing and comforting. You may have to do this at difficult times such as when you are resorting to regular coping mechanisms.
Respects – the choices that you’ve made, they were made with all the information and resources that you had at the time.
Be empathic – when she feels afraid offer comfort and support. Tell her she will never need to feel fear again because she has you. You will only allow safe, trustworthy people in her life and she will not get hurt.
Advocate – Speak up on her behalf. You might be around people who do not understand trauma symptoms. They might be impatient, harsh and intolerant of certain behaviours. Speak up on her behalf. Before this happens, it will be crucial for you to accept that in certain situations you will automatically resort to a child like a behaviour.
The strategies that you develop to cope as a child with certain circumstances will manifest themselves now. That’s because the brain recorded these instructions and at times when a similar experience occurred the brain suggests the old ways of coping as a viable way to deal with the situation. Be kind to you at these times and speak up for you when people try to show impatience or intolerance.
Give her a voice – Make it ok for her to share her story. Initially, you can do this by journaling. After that, you can do it by sharing with those who have shown themselves worthy of hearing it.
• You can also share with a professional who will be able to understand, empathise, feedback and cheer you on as you make changes.
Check in’s – Do regular check in’s ask how she is feeling and listen to what is said. You can achieve this by taking regular time outs. Sitting in silence is an excellent way to connect with and listen to your inner child. Allow whatever emotions surface if she wants to cry let her cry.
Treats. – Make birthdays and special occasions unique. Treat her often. Celebrate successes and milestone.
There are many more things you can do to love on you. Whatever you do, be intentional, you deserve it. If you like to learn more about loving your inner child, our three-part audio series Healing your Inner Child will help. Use code LOVEME to get £20 off