Wounds To Scars

Tag: negative messages

  • Overcome Negative Messages with this tip

    Overcome Negative Messages with this tip

    There’s always an influx of negative stories running in the background for most of us. For those who experienced childhood trauma, these messages can flow continuously and can be debilitating for a lot of people.

    Negative messages are subtle and repetitive. They mostly occur around certain times and events. Whether it is a sound, sight, smell, a familiar face or taste, it could be any number of triggers. It is sometimes difficult to identify a particular trigger because they are subtle and easily missed.

    If you would like to know what leads your thoughts down a particular path, take time to study yourself. Pay attention to those things that annoy or make you sad. You can also reflect on things after the fact and honestly scrutinise the events of that day to find what started you down the path of low moods or irritation.

    Sometimes we might fear to identify the trigger. You may have a story around the particular event. For example, you may have been told that you are lazy when you make a mistake. This would influence distorted thinking. You may not decide to think of yourself in these terms but might catch yourself doing so before you had time to think. These general statements such as ‘ I always make mistakes’ are called globalisation. No one always does anything, so chances are there will be times when you don’t make mistakes.
    However, because you’ve been trained to think of you in the negative, you wouldn’t naturally challenge those thoughts.

    Brain
     That’s where the beauty of the mind can help. According to neuroplasticity, You can create new pathways and change the old harmful way of thinking.
    Let’s take the thought ‘I always make mistakes’. Say these instead. Everyone makes mistakes. That’s normalising the negative statements.

    If everyone makes them, then it’s not a particular character defect, or something unable to change.

    You could also think, ‘I can learn from my mistake’ Some of those comforts we enjoy today. Like electricity, was not invented on the first try.

    You try it.

    Think of your repetitive message.
    When does it usually show up?
    How does it make you feel?
    How can you challenge those thoughts?
    Now tell yourself what’s true
    Practice, practice, practice, until challenging your thoughts to become a regular part of yourself talk.

    If you would like help to permanently turn off those negative messages we have just the tool for you. Our Emotional Well-being bundle comes with three audios. One is focused on developing positive thoughts. Get the bundle HERE

  • The Dark Side of Stories we Tell Oursleves

    The Dark Side of Stories we Tell Oursleves

    The dark side of stories we tell ourselves becomes apparent when we focus on the negative aspect of our experiences or allow people to concoct a story about us and project it onto us.

    However, when we craft a plot filled with negative messages and prop those up with negative rules, we are trapped in a cycle of disappear. You might be telling yourself there is no way out; no one loves me, I am unlovable etc.

    Society, family, and the church also tell stories. They suggest how we should be, how we should relate to pain and suffering and what is an acceptable way of mourning or dealing with trauma. Sometimes we consciously and unconsciously conform to these stereotypes and deny ourselves the freedom to mourn, grieve, or deal with the pain of brokenness. We, therefore, adopt a façade, take their definition of strength and deny ourselves the freedom to move through painful places. We feel the unnerving gaze of society and shrink back from the opportunity to allow ourselves the freedom to be vulnerable, put our heads above the parapet and declare that we are hurting.

    As a result, many do not get the help that they need and unfortunately suffer in silence. The impact of this internal suffering sometimes comes out and damages our relationships with ourselves, colour our interpersonal relationships and affect our communication with children, partners and those around us.

    When this occurs, we exist in a daze where we miss out on what it feels like to be fully alive. To survive, we tell ourselves stories about the current position. We confirm to societies’ ideas of who we should be and allow ourselves to fit into a pattern that will be pleasing to others.

    Have you ever wondered what it would be like to break free or to live your life free from the stories that other people shape for you?

    Sometimes when we are hurt the big story that we focus on is the pain. When the pain is our focus, we miss the other parts of our story, the part where you achieve.

    Beginning to tell yourself a different story might be a challenge. The exciting thing is you can determine how the story ends. You can decide to formulate a plot that incorporates the story of your healing and recovery. You can be intentional in learning how to let go of shame and the specific skills you employ not to allow fear to rule. You can choose the ending; it will either be one where you allow the pain and the people who hurt you to win, or it can be the one where you take control and focus on the positives about you, your life and healing.