You may be one of the many Christian women who experienced neglect, abandonment, rejection, and emotional abuse. You might also struggle with navigating the pain while staying true to your Christian values. Or you might be one of those women stuck on forgiveness.
You may have also tried forgiveness as a means of healing but is still in pain.
It’s good to forgive someone when they fail to nurture, comfort or protect However, that’s half the work. The other half is to heal from the lack of comfort nurture protection.
At this point, some get confused. Some women believe that being born again and giving one’s life to Jesus should ensure that the pain would disappear. They feel that embracing Christ means they wouldn’t have to do anything except forgive, which would take the pain away.
Unfortunately, some give up on their healing journey altogether when they discover that healing the child that experienced neglect and emotional abandonment takes time.
Many make promises to themselves that it will never pass to the next generation, but sadly the imprint of their mother and grandmother can be seen in their children.
Healing is the only path out of breaking the generational cycle.
Below, I am sharing some scriptures to help give insights into using God as a connecting space when the relationship with your mother lacks love, comfort, nurturing, and support.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
You are a gift to your mother; she might not have known how to treasure you as a gift, but it doesn’t take away from the original intent of your creator. You are a part of his heritage and legacy in this world.
You are special; you are unique and unforgettable. You have a purpose. The pain of abandonment might tell stories of lack, not worth. However, the truth is you are a gift, a treasure, and a blessing.
“As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.”
You may never know what it feels like to experience love and comfort from your mother; however, God’s love can replace the love of a mother. You might struggle to understand his love or even internalize it in your life; nevertheless, it’s available. Daily practice in discovering and learning about the love God has for you will help you to integrate this truth into your life.
“Honour your father and your mother so that your life will belong on the fertile land that the Lord your God is giving you.”
This verse might challenge you. Sometimes it is challenging to learn how to honour someone who is harmful and toxic and cannot show love the way you need it.
Honouring doesn’t mean you have to share space; you cannot heal in the same environment where you were hurt. Without mother changing, you might need to consider honouring from a distance.
Honouring also doesn’t exclude having and maintaining reasonable boundaries to help protect you. The Bible tells us to put on the whole amour of God to protect against the fiery darts of the devil. It might be shocking to hear this verse concerning your mother; however, consider her relationship. Has she built you up or hurt you?
You can also get help to work out a way to honour her without continually putting yourself in harm’s way.
Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
You may be familiar with the experience of being forgotten by your mother. Whether through the birthdays, she repeatedly forgets or ignores them. Or she may communicate her lack of care through the school event that she missed, the hugs that you never got, or the other myriad of things.
The Bible says that even a mother that gives birth to you can forget you. However, there is a provision in that verse that offers hope. God said He would not forget you. It goes on to say in Isaiah 49:16, “Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.”
That means every time he looks in his hands and sees the nail prints, it reminds him of you.
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”
You knew you before you were conceived. Before the sperm and the egg collides, he knew you and loved you.
“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
He knows the pain of not having a loving mother. He sees the impact of it on your life and relationships. He sees how it affected how you parent your children, how you allow people to love you and the way you doubted whether you could love anyone. He sees how it isolated you from your siblings and how it caused you to question academic performance and even your brilliance at work.
He knows that this single event has impacted areas of your life that you are not even yet familiar with, and because of that, he wants you to know that ‘He formed you in your mother’s womb,’ He knew you and loved you before you were born. You trust him with this hurt and allow him to help you heal and move forward.