Emotional abandonment, particularly during childhood, can leave deep scars that impact individuals well into adulthood. From a Christian perspective, understanding and healing from this type of abandonment involves not only psychological growth but also spiritual healing. It is crucial that we integrate our faith in our healing journey. Faith can help us see the trauma from a different perspective. Faith can also help us deal with any lingering effects of these early experiences.
As adults, we have the amazing ability to reason. Our fully developed brains enable us to analyse, understand, and make sense of things in ways we couldn’t as children. Our developed reasoning abilities allows us to see our parents’ flaws and shortcoming. For example, as an adult, you may reason out your father’s unavailability and forgive him for not keeping his promises. Similarly, you may reason out your mother’s anger, control, and lack of empathy when you are in distress. These realizations can lead to better interactions with them now, fostering healthier relationships than those you had as a child.
However, it’s important to recognize that the child within us created behaviours and beliefs to survive. These survival mechanisms, formed in response to emotional abandonment, become ingrained and continue to drive our relationships, self-esteem, confidence, and emotional availability. The journey towards healing requires addressing these deep-rooted patterns and helping the inner child transition from survival mode to a place of emotional and spiritual health.
From a Christian perspective, healing from emotional abandonment involves embracing the love and acceptance found in Christ. The Bible offers great insights into Jesus’s willingness and ability to heal wounded places in our lives. We can find many evidences of Gods love throughout scripture they reminds us of God’s unfailing love and His desire for us to be whole. In Psalm 147:3, it says, “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” This verse underscores God’s commitment to our healing and restoration.
Isiah 49:15-16(KJV) reminds us that there was always a plan to help us heal even before we needed it. The scripture provides hope and comfort by reminding us that God will never leave. “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. 16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of My hands; thy walls are continually before Me.”
Trying to hold on to the promise of Jesus being with us always can sometimes feels like ropes of sand. It’s shifting and some days faith might feel tenuous. The challenge on those days is to hold firm and trust in the promises and hold on to God’s abiding love.
You might be challenged daily by painful memories However, we are promised that we have the power to manage our thoughts, “bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ,”. This is the assurance that as you heal, even the impact of the trauma on your brain can also heal.
Getting through the early years
The emotional wounds that happens in childhood leaves an indelible impression on the developing brain. One such impression is the behaviours that are developed to survive trauma. Growing chronologically doesn’t mean the behaviours formed in childhood automatically change. These behaviours, whether they manifest as avoidance, people-pleasing, or an inability to trust, are often deeply embedded. As adults, we might rationalize and understand our parents’ actions, but the emotional wounds and the resultant survival behaviours often persist. Recognizing this discrepancy between our adult reasoning and our emotional responses is a critical step in the healing process.
Healing centers around helping the child out of survival mode. This involves learning how to let go of unhealthy behaviours and creating healthier ones, a process that can be both challenging and rewarding. In this context, faith plays a crucial role. Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens, promising rest and peace (Matthew 11:28-30). His invitation is not just a call to spiritual rest but also to emotional and psychological healing.
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christian teaching and is vital in overcoming the impact of emotional abandonment. Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to “be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiving those who have emotionally abandoned us does not mean excusing their behaviour or forgetting the pain it caused. Instead, it means releasing the hold that bitterness and resentment have on our hearts, making room for God’s healing grace.
The healing process can involve several steps:
Acknowledgment and Acceptance: Recognize and accept the impact of emotional abandonment on your life. This involves understanding how it has shaped your behaviours and beliefs and getting support to create healthier coping strategies.
Seeking Professional Help: An experienced therapists, can help guide you through the healing process. They can provide tools and techniques to address deep-seated issues and support you in creating healthier behaviours.Find one that incorporate christian principles if that is important to you.
Prayer and Meditation: Spend time in prayer, seeking God’s guidance and comfort. Meditating on Scriptures that speak of God’s love and healing can provide lasting emotional relief.
Building a Support System: Surround yourself with a supportive community, such as a church group or close friends who understand and encourage your healing journey.
Forgiveness: Actively work on forgiving those who have caused you emotional pain. This might be a gradual process, requiring patience and persistence. Remember God gives good gifts. If you desire it, He can give you the gift of forgiveness. This will help to free you from the pain of the past.
Developing Healthy Relationships: As you heal, practice building relationships based on trust, respect, and mutual support. These relationships can provide a new template for interaction. These new interactions will help to replace old coping strategies and put you on the path to developing healthy relational patterns.
The lasting impact of emotional abandonment is significant, influencing many aspects of our adult lives. However, with faith, there is immense hope for healing and transformation. By combining our ability to reason with the spiritual insights and comfort found in Christianity, we can navigate the journey towards emotional wholeness.
Remember, growing chronologically doesn’t mean our behaviours automatically change. It is through intentional healing, rooted in both psychological understanding and spiritual faith, that we can help the inner child out of survival mode, letting go of unhealthy behaviours, and embracing healthier ones.
As you walk this path, take heart in knowing that God is with you every step of the way, offering His love, grace, and healing.