In a world that often feels broken, trauma touches many lives, leaving scars that manifest in various ways. As Christians, we are called to understand, support, and guide those who bear these scars. Trauma can lead individuals to develop maladaptive behaviours—coping mechanisms that, while initially protective, can become detrimental over time. Let’s explore these behaviours through a Christian lens and consider how faith and community can aid in healing.
People Pleasing: The Trap of Over-Generosity
One common response to trauma is people pleasing, a behaviour rooted in a deep desire for acceptance and love. People who have experienced trauma often become overly generous, constantly striving to make others happy to avoid conflict and gain a sense of security. They may believe that by pleasing others, they can fill the void left by their traumatic experiences.
People pleasing is also used to protect people especially in dysfunctional families.
From a Christian perspective, this behaviour can be seen as a distortion of the Biblical call to love and serve others. While generosity is a virtue, it should not come at the expense of one’s own well-being.
In Galatians 1:10, Paul reminds us, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
In Ephasians 6:6 “Not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.”
True service stems from a place of wholeness and a relationship with God, not from a fear of rejection or a need to control outcomes.
Isolation: The Double-Edged Sword
Isolation is another maladaptive behaviour often adopted by trauma survivors. Fear of forming new connections and the potential for further hurt can lead individuals to withdraw from social interactions. This creates a paradox; sometimes people who isolate deeply crave connection but are terrified of the vulnerability it requires. Sometimes fear of rejection and hurt stops them from engaging with others.
The Bible teaches the importance of community and fellowship. Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV) encourages us, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near..”
Isolation may feel safe, but it deprives individuals of the healing and support found in Christian community. We are created for relationships, and through fellowship, we can find the strength to face and overcome our fears.
Through community we also have support to implement new coping strategies and implement change.
Overworking: The Illusion of Fulfilment
To cope with feelings of disconnection and emptiness, many trauma survivors turn to overworking. This behaviour serves multiple purposes: it fills the void left by trauma, distracts from painful emotions, and combats the fear of scarcity. By convincing themselves that they love their jobs or are indispensable at work, they justify the long hours and constant busyness.
However, this is often a lie they tell themselves to avoid confronting deeper issues. Psalm 127:2 (ESV) warns us, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep..”
Overworking can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion and strained relationships, perpetuating the cycle of isolation and stress. God calls us to find our identity and worth in Him, not in our work. True rest and fulfilment come from trusting in His provision and care.
Aggression: The Mask of Protection
Aggression is a misunderstood response to trauma, often used as a means of self-protection. Trauma survivors may adopt a tough exterior, excusing aggressive behaviour as “straight talking” or necessary for self-defence. However, this behaviour often pushes people away, defeating the individual’s underlying desire for connection.
Ephesians 4:26-27(ESV) advises, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.” While it’s natural to feel anger, unchecked aggression can lead to sin and relational breakdown. Many trauma survivors lack the tools to express their feelings constructively. As Christians, we can help them develop healthier ways to communicate their needs and emotions, fostering connection and understanding.
Avoidance: The Fear of Confrontation
Avoidance is a common tactic used by trauma survivors to suppress or ignore their emotions. The fear of conflict and the discomfort of confronting painful issues lead them to shy away from dealing with problems directly. This avoidance prevents healing and growth, as unresolved issues continue to fester beneath the surface.
The Bible encourages us to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” Confronting issues and speaking truth, though challenging, are essential for personal growth and relational health. Avoidance may seem easier, but it ultimately hinders the healing process.
Healing Through Faith and Community
Understanding these maladaptive behaviours is the first step in helping trauma survivors heal. As Christians, we can offer a unique perspective rooted in faith, hope, and love. Here are some ways we can support those who are struggling:
Prayer and Spiritual Support: Encourage trauma survivors to seek God in their healing journey. Prayer, scripture reading, and spiritual disciplines can provide comfort and guidance. Philippines 4:6-7 reminds us, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Community and Fellowship: Foster a supportive and non-judgemental environment where individuals feel safe to share their struggles. Romans 12:15 instructs us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Being present and empathetic can make a significant difference in their healing process.
Professional Help: Encourage seeking professional counselling when needed. Many Christian counsellors are equipped to integrate faith with therapeutic practices, providing holistic care.
Education and Awareness: Educate church members about trauma and its effects. Understanding can lead to greater compassion and more effective support.
Discipleship and Mentorship: Pair trauma survivors with mature Christians who can mentor and disciple them, providing guidance and accountability in their journey towards healing.
Conclusion
Trauma can lead to various maladaptive behaviours, but through the lens of faith, there is hope for healing and transformation. By understanding these behaviours and offering compassionate support, we can help trauma survivors find their way back to wholeness. As followers of Christ, we are called to be His hands and feet, offering love, understanding, and guidance to those in need. Together, we can create a community where healing is possible, and where the broken can find solace and restoration in the embrace of God’s love.
This is such a powerful and revealing blog that identifies not only my own maladaptive behaviours, but has helped me recognise these behaviours in my husband, church friends and family members.
Over the last few years and especially post Covid, I have been on a journey towards personal and relational healing. I came across your website a few years ago but I obviously wasn’t ready to embrace/accept what I read; NOW I AM🤩 AT 55, IT’S TIME!!! 💃🏽💕💃🏽❤️🎉🌟🥳
I am glad you found the content relatable and that is right at the time you needed it. It’s never too late.