So you discovered in the previous blog post that you fit the description of a people pleaser!
Well..what can you do about it?
Feelings are important and necessary in order to create boundaries to protect ourselves. However, people pleasers look for validation from others and therefore may struggle to set boundaries. Here are 4 ways to overcome the habit of people pleasing and set boundaries that will help you build healthy relationships.
Being honest with ourselves about our need of Christ was the first step to connecting with Him. Likewise, being honest about how we feel is the first step to establishing healthy relationships with others! Honesty brings freedom to be who we are in Christ!
‘For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery’ – Galatians 5:1.
You cannot truly be free when you are living a lie!
Prayerfully write down the things you like and dislike based on how it makes you feel inside. Feelings are important and necessary in order to create boundaries to protect ourselves.
2. God validation
As mentioned in the previous post people pleasers look for validation from others. We should seek validation from the only one who gives us true identity – Christ.
He made us and loves us for who we are and not what we do – Psalms 139:14
He loves us, even when we are unlovable – John 3:16
God is on our side, even when others are not – John 3:16; Psalm 27:10
He wants us to prosper and has good plans for us – Jeremiah 29:11
With a God like this who cares what other people think?!
Whenever you are tempted to seek the approval or validation from others, think about what they have done for you in comparison to God and shoot a prayer up to Him for strength to refocus on Him. By pleasing God, you will automatically please those God has a blessing for.
3. Say what you mean and mean what you say
When faced with opposition and the time has come for you to put your foot down, make the stand you need to make. Speak the truth in all honesty and throw in some tact, if you’ve got it!
Don’t be tempted to believe the lie that sharing your feelings and opinions with others directly is wrong and ungodly – Jesus was very honest and direct in what he had to say.
Not sharing how you feel causes you to slump into the act of passive aggression, dishonesty and eradication of your boundaries. People cannot respect your boundaries, if they don’t know where they are, even if they seem honestly plain to you.
It is your God given right to be honest with others about how you feel even if conflict arises with this. The Bible has many examples where men of God disagreed with each other – it is not a sin (Acts 15:39, Galatians 2:11-16).
4. Agree to disagree
It is hard when we experience conflict in our relationships with others, but conflict is not necessarily bad. Make the decision to agree to disagree. Remember you do not need validation for your boundaries.
Trying to resist conflict with others means living with the war inside of yourself. So be honest with people about your boundaries.
State your likes, your dislikes and your feelings. Not everyone will respect your honesty because many may not even respect themselves.
Remember – the way people treat you is not a reflection of who you are but who they are!
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