Today I heard an interview with a woman who was a trauma survivor, despite her horrific experience she said she made the decision not to be bitter and angry with regret. She said instead I opted to walk the journey of freedom and healing. In my post choose an action, not anger I talked about the importance of choosing to take action.
Anger will destroy you; it is sometimes more attractive and easier to live life from a place of bitterness and anger. However, these negative emotions can be a canker that will squeeze every bit of joy out of your life leaving you shattered and a shell of the person you were or were meant to be. If you do not make the decision to heal you will never find out who you were supposed to be, what are your gifts and talents and how those could be used to enrich your life and those around you. You will never know the change that you could effect in your corner of the world.
You have gifts, talents and valuable resources that could be useful in building others and yourself. Bitterness and anger will repress these and shut the light out of your life.
Anger or contentment: where do you live life from?
If you do not make the decision to pursue healing your abusers would have won, they would have taken more from your past, present and future.
Do you live life from a place of peace knowing that you have made the decision to tackle the trauma through seeking support or are you still in hiding? Residing in a place of anger and bitterness keeps you vulnerable because as long as you are here, it will be difficult for you to gain the courage to change.
Sometimes anger can almost feel like revenge. However, recovery is your best revenge. Choose to get support, walk the journey back from broken and decide to heal. Reclaim what was taken and give yourself the gift of healing.
Use anger positively
I used my anger to help me develop the courage to heal and help others. My anger came as I realised the silence around abuse and the shame attached to it. I wanted to speak out because this subject is such a taboo it silences many from finding a good language to use and express their pain. I made the decision to carve out space where some might find the courage to tell their stories, let go of anger as a shield and give themselves permission to heal.
I understand that sometimes the trauma can be horrific the pain seems unbearable, anger and bitterness sometimes feel like a good place to hide. It can be a shield not only o sadness but can also help keep out unstable people. I understand, however, sometimes anger could also keep out those who could offer love and acceptance and support. Over the years I have worked with many individuals who refused to let me in despite my attitude of acceptance, congruence and unconditional acceptance. That is the danger of living from a place of bitterness and anger; you will have invariably shut out those who could help. Anger tells you not to trust, do not believe what they say. It also encourages thoughts of little self-worth and upholds lack of confidence. In short, it steals more than it gives.
When I worked in addictions whenever I asked a client to make the decision to give up alcohol this was asking a big step for them. Some had been drinking for 10/20 years, it was all they knew, and they felt they needed it to get through the day. I understood this need and so work gently with them to identify other more healthy ways of coping. As these developed the need for the lessened, and eventually many enjoy a new life away from substance.
Giving up anger and bitterness can seem like such a struggle, you might feel empty without it and unable to cope, this is not true, you will be able to cope. Get support to gradually release the anger with setting healthy boundaries, do a course around self-esteem and confidence building and begin your journey of healing. You only need to take the first step; one step will be the beginnings of your journey back from broken.
How do you manage your anger? What was your process of letting go?