Cathy is a spiritual woman. She and her husband are both church and community leaders and have decided that Cathy would be a stay at home mom. However, over time, Cathy began to experience loneliness. Initially, it was simply a frustration with the reality of waking up to the hard work of doing the same thing every day. She was bored with her life. Due to her leadership positions, she didn’t feel she could tell anyone that she was struggling.
Cathy is not alone, studies show that midlife loneliness is on the rise. According to Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Manchester. Midlife loneliness is reaching epidemic proportions among 30 and 40+. Gary Cooper said women can have greater social needs than men- they feel loneliness more acutely and seek out friendships in a way that men don’t.
I decided to test this idea on a friend, and the result stunned me. I discovered that they were people close to me that were experiencing loneliness. My friend gave me an example of basically feeling alone and left out. She felt church was no longer a community and she was struggling to fit in. People she was once close to were growing spiritually and were making different choices. She was being left out of prayer groups and other events that some of her friends planned, and she is left wondering where do I fit.
Some things that can isolate us.
- Working from home
- Moving to a new town and not knowing anyone
- Loneliness in marriage – everyone else seems so happy, will I be misunderstood and seem like a not a good enough Christian if I decided to share.
- The introvert who sometimes finds it difficult to connect socially.
Ways to overcome loneliness
- Children are good ice breakers, they connect with other children easily and as this could be an easy way to meet other parents.
- Join groups of like-minded people, for example, leveraging your interest and hobbies could be another way of meeting people. Perhaps you could join the local writing group or book club. They may have a walking, flower arranging or bible study group. These are advertised in post offices, doctors offices and sometimes local supermarkets.
- Own it, do not feel guilty about your social needs.
- Exercise – the gym is a great way to meet people. I hate the gym but love walking and so I have a friend that when I need a good long walk and some company I call her.
- Social media- makes it easy to stay in touch.
- Taking the first step may appear daunting but do not become frightened by the idea of trying, do not assume people do not want to make new friends.