Many people struggle with managing negative feelings, but it is important to remember that you do not have to continue struggling—help is available. Often, the most effective solutions are also the simplest ones. When you consistently put these simple solutions into practice, you will notice positive changes in your emotional well-being almost immediately.
Negative feelings often begin with negative thoughts. Dwelling on these thoughts can have a significant impact on your emotions, leading to a cycle where your feelings become increasingly negative. For example, during the process of recording a 21-day overcoming negative thoughts bootcamp, I completed all 21 days and was ready to upload the content, only to discover that everything had disappeared, and I had to start over. In such moments, it is easy to become stressed, tense, and frustrated. However, instead of allowing myself to spiral into frustration, self-blame, or self-criticism, I chose to approach the situation differently. I considered what lessons I could learn from the experience and how I could prevent it from sending me into a negative space.
One of the most effective ways to manage, harness, and even eliminate negative feelings is to avoid dwelling on negative thoughts. When you focus on what is negative, it will inevitably affect how you feel. So, how can you break this cycle and avoid being overwhelmed by negative situations?
Three Key Steps to Manage Negative Feelings
There are three important things to keep in mind when you are faced with adversity. Practising these steps, even in the most trying circumstances, can help you avoid negative reactions and feelings:
- Focus on what Is true: When you find yourself in a stressful or upsetting situation, pause and reflect. This is known as ‘reflecting on action’—taking a moment, even in the midst of difficulty, to consider the reality of the situation. Ask yourself: Is this true? Not only should you consider whether the circumstance itself is true, but also whether the story you are telling yourself about it is accurate. Are you attaching assumptions or interpretations that may not be factual?
In certain situations, it may feel as though there are no clear answers or solutions available. During these moments of uncertainty and crisis, the one truth we can hold onto is the assurance that God is with us. Turning toward Him, especially in times of trouble, can provide comfort and support. As Psalms 46:1 reminds us, “He will be a present help in trouble.” When everything else feels uncertain, relying on this promise can bring peace and the strength to persevere through adversity.
- Be honest with yourself: Once you have questioned the truth of the situation, ask yourself: Am I being honest? Sometimes the narratives we create are not entirely honest or fair to ourselves. Consider whether your thoughts and interpretations are grounded in reality or if you are generalising, mind-reading, or making assumptions.
- Check for Purity in Your Thoughts: Finally, ask yourself: Are my thoughts pure? Reflect on whether your thoughts are kind, fair, and a true reflection of who you are or what the situation really is. Sometimes our thoughts about ourselves can be harsh or unkind, which only serves to reinforce negative feelings.
By honestly assessing the stories you tell yourself and considering both their disadvantages and potential benefits, you can begin to reframe your thoughts. Ask yourself how you might benefit from telling yourself a different, more truthful story. This approach can help you respond with greater calm and clarity, even in stressful or anger-inducing situations.
As you practise these steps, you may notice your anger and frustration diminishing, and you might find yourself experiencing a new sense of peace and calm. Remember, this change requires practice, but even in the most stressful circumstances, you have the power to shift your perspective and transform your emotional response.
Comments
2 responses to “Managing Negative Feelings”
This blog really got my attention because it’s some I’ve personally struggled with, for most of my adult life. I believe, but can’t really say for sure, that it comes from growing up with little to no, positive talking being heard or spoken to me by my dad; mum was gone by the time I was 8 and I don’t ever remember hearing positive, nurturing or loving words between mum and dad, when she was living with us.
Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment, Angela. It is so important for us to understand the root of our negative thoughts. As you described from your experience, sometimes negative thoughts come from hearing critical or negative feedback, and sometimes they grow in the space left by the absence of positive feedback.
Children need to hear “good enough” messages from their caregivers because these messages help them form a healthy view of themselves. When those affirming messages are missing, a void is created—and the world often rushes in to fill that space with negative ones.