Once again cases of past sexual abuse dominate the headlines. At times like this, I often wonder about the families of those impacted by someone’s selfish behaviour. I know only too well the depth of the pain of sexual abuse and its far-reaching, long-term effects.
People’s reaction to sexual trauma always amazes me; recently I heard a story that was shocking in its intensity and the strength of my anger frightened me. Many years ago I determined that I would help give a voice to those who experienced abuse and stay silent out of shame, crippled by guilt or fear. This advocacy becomes urgent when silence becomes misunderstood, misconstrued and trivialise.
Victims of sexual assault become experts at maintaining secrets; we can hold the most sensitive information without anyone finding out. Unfortunately, this can have a devasting impact on your physical and mental health.
Understanding the secrecy of abuse and the link to concern for others
Here are five reasons why People keep abuse a secret
1. because they are trying to protect others from the pain of what they experienced.
2. Some individuals maintain silence because they are deeply sensitive to the feelings of the people that will be the recipient of their story.
3. They care about sometimes families inability to handle the weight of their disclosure;
4. They are concerned about the relationship that exists among extended families and wondered whether disclosure would cause irreparable damage.
5. They understand that speaking also means having to relieve the pain of their experiences by trying to satisfy some people’s need for information as they make their minds up about who to believe.
Survivors also stay silent as a means of self-protection.
These are weighty responsibilities that survivors wish they did not have to bear. They maintain secrecy because they care deeply about the opinion of others. Survivors choose to conceal the truth because they are also protecting themselves from the viciousness of others inability to offer support and comfort without asking questions and validating perpetrators actions.
Survivors will often come to understand that in keeping silent they are not only protecting the people they both love but they are also protecting the abuser. Sometimes that is a lot to acknowledge and digest.
Will Anyone Validate my Pain
Victims do not keep silent because they are foolish; they remain silent because they are afraid and do not want to deal with other people’s drama about their trauma.