I believe we give relationship as much truth as we think it can handle, we, therefore, hide parts of ourselves from the people close to us in an effort to shield them from the pain of our true selves. We extend this hiding to God and do not tell Him our truth. We attempt to conceal our inner life and the way we feel about events and situations in our lives. There are times when this is an unconscious hiding, Sometimes it is learnt behaviour.
Throughout the course of our lives events occurred and we learn to be guarded, for example, the child abused and told to not speak, the child who choose silence as a way of ‘protecting’ an adult. Another example is the abused woman who stays silent to shield her husband’s image. Sometimes silence is forced upon us through cultural norms.
However, healing can only begin when we allow God to fully know who we are. This includes inviting Him in your pain and brokenness. If you are wondering how to do this, here are some suggestions
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Tell Him how events have affected you
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Describe your feelings around these events.
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Do not censor or filter out any parts of the journey. Remember you are working on building intimacy, real authentic communication.
I appreciate that this is a process of growth a place where you learn to trust God enough to allow Him the kind of access I have described.
Your relationship with Him will change as you allow Him into dark corners of your heart those places where no one has ever accessed. The places where you are still tender but afraid to access Proverbs 23:26 ‘my son (daughter) give me thine heart’. He invites you to make the decision to trust Him with where you are. Why not try let Him in, try telling Him your truth. Read more on this here https://www.woundstoscars.com/the-language-of-prayer/
Sometimes the truth is compromised because we want to be loved. We are unsure of the results of honesty and as such we give parts of the story. We live a veiled existence never fully participating in and enjoying the life of abundance that we have been promised. You have been paying a high price for compromise, the price of healing.
Make the decision to not sacrifice
freedom on the altar of fear.
There was a time when I longed to have that heart to heart with God. I desired to pray real prayers but I did not know how to do it.
One day I saw a glimmer of light and I held firm to it. I was at a retreat for leaders. At this meeting, I asked a question I had never asked before. ‘Why am I here?’ my friend did not know how to answer and was surprised by my question.
I can imagine God going yes, yes, finally. The weekend progressed and everything was good but nothing was touching my heart and then it happened. The closing presentation on Saturday evening was titled ‘unanswered prayers’ this got my attention. I did not know this was God answering my prayers of ‘why am I here’. As I listened the speaker talked about people who had experienced similar circumstances. I was not alone. I left the hall to pray. This was the first time I was ever honest with God. That day I chose brokenness so that I could be free.
As I healed, this relationship kept me from choosing the bondage of bitterness, anger, self-pity, questions and recriminations. I am able to describe my pain and cry my prayer this process of authenticity gave me the courage to trust God’s word and to daily choose freedom.
I gradually arrive at the place where I did not allow my story to define me. I choose to stand on the foundation of who God say I am.
‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made… I am the apple of His eyes.’
Every day I make a deliberate decision to choose freedom.