The truth about forgiveness
- Most people want to forgive
- Many do not want to hold a grudge
- Many would like to restore their relationships, give up anger and let go of bitterness.
However, they become stuck working through what is forgiveness and what is trust.
Though many would like to forgive, they also do not want to be hurt again. I think this thinking stems from the view that if I forgive I will have to restore this person to a position of trust in my life. The idea of restoration is daunting, and many abandon the journey of forgiveness.
Additionally, some are afraid of making themselves vulnerable again. For this group, forgiveness equals recovery. They see the potential of further hurt and use anger to protect them.
According to scripture forgiveness is unconditional – Matthew 6:14-15
Forgiveness is unconditional, but trust is earned
Janet had finally built up the courage to speak to her father about the abuse. She had left home at 16 because she was becoming weary with hiding from his advances. However, after 20 years she felt it was time to confront her father and tried to salvage a relationship with him. Janet rehearsed the conversation hundreds of times however the reality did not live up to her expectations. She was hopeful because he had become a Christian and she wanted to admire his new relationship with God. She hoped change would accompany his new identity and prompt him to ask for forgiveness. He did not. Instead, she felt rebuked, in fact.
Janet wants to forgive, and despite her father’s rejection and failure to take responsibility she is gaining ground and one day will be victorious. However, she knows that until he can own his actions and demonstrate change, she cannot trust him with her children. Though her forgiveness is freely given, she knows change has to be shown before faith can be restored.
Awareness brings change
Awareness brings change nevertheless, Janet’s father is unfortunately not ready to acknowledge his wrongdoings and seek forgiveness. As long as he holds to his position of innocence, she is forced to enforce boundaries which ensure the safety of her and her children.
Join me in the private Facebook group Wounds that Heal for further discussion on forgiveness