Have you ever experienced problems that seem impossible to work through? Sometimes they might appear in our marriages, work relationships or just our interpersonal relationships. The truth is in the course of navigating life; we will stumble on to issues that refuse to go away.
I have encountered them, and I have also helped clients to work through all kinds of seemingly unsolvable problems. A Conversation with someone this morning prompted me to talk to you about this issue.
Here are three steps that you can take to help you manage perpetual problems
Deal with the issue
Some people try to avoid problems because it can feel like a conflict and because they are afraid of conflicts they shy away from discussing certain subjects. Avoidance could be one reason why the problem recurs.
Get the help of a professional to help you work through your feelings around the difficulty and aid you in developing a strategy to address the situation.
Tip: share feelings from your perspective this will lessen the risk of the next person feeling like they are being attacked. For example, I feel special when you take the time to call me from work as opposed to you don’t call me anymore. Try to start with I as opposed to you.
Avoid irrational thoughts
Irrational thoughts can be another reason some problems seem to stay around longer that we would like.
Irrational thoughts are those recurring thoughts that are subtle and influenced our thinking and actions. Here is an example, you never call me. As opposed to I like it when you call, or I miss talking to you.
The person who is feeling like you never call may be thinking you do not love me anymore; you do not value the friendship, nobody wants to be with me. Maybe I am a nuisance, so I am going to stop calling.
Remember it is never safe to assume or mind read. It is always best to check with the next person before concluding what the problem is or that there is a problem.
No problem has a perfect solution
Thinking your problems should have a perfect solution could potentially exacerbate the situation. It might help to come to an issue with an open mind and give you permission to be flexible. The ideal solution might be the one where compromise and negotiating takes place. What is right for your friend may not be a perfect fit for you. You are unique, and therefore the solutions to your challenges will be tailor made for you.
Want to learn how to deal with challenging emotions? Watch our Healing your wounded self-series
Join our private Facebook group Wounds that Heal for training and tips on how to address irrational thoughts.