In my post lessons from my father, I talked about the effect of being let down. I also discussed how this impacted my ability to trust and significantly influenced all my interpersonal relationships. In this post, I will talk about the importance of forgiving yourself.
Maybe trusting was going to mean being let down, being hurt. It is easier for a child to remember the times they were let down as opposed to the many times when they weren’t. Perhaps remembering the horrible feeling that lingered long after the incident. Perhaps to shield yourself from that feeling you may have made decisions that were meant to protect you. For example, this will never happen to me again, and some situations as they are deemed potentially dangerous. These were good strategies, and they helped to keep you safe.
But you grew up, and now understand that people let each other down, in fact, you may also have disappointed others. Despite that, there is that feeling that stayed with you; and you feel unable to let it go. The thought of experiencing this feeling again seems unbearable, and the defences are kept in place firmly.
And another dimension may be that being a Christian forgiveness is a crucial part of connecting with Jesus, but you are finding this a real struggle for you. You are not sure why but the concept seems unattainable.
Shame sometimes accompany such an honest assessment it will tell you that every ‘good’ Christian will forgive and forget. Faulty reasoning will buttress shame’s pronouncements declaring things such as ‘I am not a good Christian because I struggle with forgiveness and I cannot forget’. (the issue of forgive and forget will be dealt with in another post).
Feelings of not being good enough
You may then begin to feel not good enough because you are not able to let go and perhaps finds it difficult to move on when a wrong act gets perpetrated against you.
Forgiving yourself
At this stage, I would suggest praying the prayer of forgiveness and declare ‘I forgive myself for holding on to the past and still allow it to play such a prominent role in my present. I forgive myself for having feelings of not being a good enough Christian and comparing myself to others. I forgive myself for whatever else may come to mind.
Forgiving yourself will play an enormous role in helping you attain the freedom that seems out of reach. As a result of praying the prayer of forgiveness, you will find peace through being honest with yourself and honest with God.
If you have prayed the prayer of forgiveness and felt peace still eludes you, claim the promise of freedom. 1John 1:9 Says if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Claim it and believe it, write it on a card and post it where you will see it every day and remind yourself that you have forgiven you and make the decision to move on.
