Wounds To Scars

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  • Change is Not an Option

    Change is Not an Option

     

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    Change is not an option

    I had an experience today that prompted me to do this video on fear, this encounter was not a one off, I was aware of this problem but had not previously addressed it in a blog post or video.  Today I chose to speak because many may be struggling with this issue and are afraid of speaking out or afraid to take the necessary steps to change because of the perceived outcome.

    Fighting Fear

    Many are afraid to heal because they are afraid of who they will be after they a have dealt with the pain and grew through it.  To some extent, I understand the fear.  IF you have seen a glimpse of your greatness, If you have viewed even a small part of the creator’s design and His plans for you, it could blow your mind.  Go ahead blow your mind.  Abandon your current position and give up the codependent relationship that is stealing your value.

    Making the Change

    After you have taken that important and courageous step to choosing to heal you will never be the same again. Healing is self-discovery.  When you have ventured out on that journey nothing will be the same again.  Not the current relationship that you have maintained despite knowing that it was necessary to call time on it along time ago.  Not the job that has kept you stuck in the same position without the possibility of growth, not the friendship that is bleeding you. Nothing will be the same, but that is the beauty of change.  It stretches you and makes you uncomfortable with mediocrity.

    Make the decision to move out of your way,  do not stand in your shadow or dim your light.  Do not be afraid to stand in the power that God has given you and experience the peace He wants you to have.  Do not be scared of how the new you will impact the people around you.  Do not question whether you will be accepted or loved; many will not embrace the new you because the old one was serving them well.  However, this cannot be a deterrent for growth or standing in your truth.

    Change can be painful and challenging but well worth the effort.

     

  • Healing from Abuse

    Healing from Abuse

    gratitude resizeI was recently asked to share my reason for starting wounds to scars.   I had to use 150 words to describe my enthusiasm for emotional healing.  This exercise was simultaneously challenging and mouth-wateringly exciting.  It was demanding because I find it difficult to stop whenever the opportunity arises to talk about emotional healing.   Secondly, I am extremely passionate about reaching and helping the many suffering in the darkness of pain.  Hiding wounds that have haunted them for years while feeling there is no way out.  I want you to know that it is possible to heal from abuse.

    What Motivates Me

    My healing and self-discovery fuel my motivation.  As I interact with women at retreats and speaking engagements, It is very clear that many are suffering the effects of abuse without feeling there is a way out of the pain.  These are women of strength, integrity, and drive. They are mothers and employees and corporate executives that all have one thing in common, the marks left over from the pain of sexual abuse or trauma.   Some have given up hope of healing; some are not sure what relevance the word of God has to their personal circumstances. When negative messages influence your internal dialogue, it is tough to change that into a positive without help.

    I am passionate about helping you to confront those words and move into the place where the promises in the Bible have relevance and meaning for you once more.  I want to see you healed and restored.  Maybe this website will be one piece of the puzzle; maybe we can lead you to resources that can help you put the other pieces together.  I discussed my story further HERE

    Time Stood Still.

    I had a life changing the experience in a busy airport.   The experience came at an opportune time, in retrospect, I was ready for a change.   I had spent a significant portion of the previous year going through therapy for sexual abuse; this was by far the hardest year of my life but I was a mom of three, I was completing counselling training, seeing clients, working freelance in social work education and trying to be a wife. I guess you could say it was a busy time.

    Towards the end of that year, I had the opportunity to attend a conference on abuse, and the keynote speaker shared her story of sexual assault and for the first time, I was able to cry for myself.   All those weeks and months of being too busy to cry came tumbling out.  I felt cleansed, free and revived.  As I made my way back to the UK time stood still.

    I checked in and before boarding decided to use the restroom.  I was confidently striding down the corridor when I froze.  A man was approaching me on his cell, and he looked just like my abuser.   I stood transfixed for what seems like hours, eventually, my brain tried to communicate to my feet but it was too late the message was not going through, my one conscious thought was what if it is him what will I do. This poor gentleman eventually walked passed perhaps wondering about the frozen woman staring at him. When I was finally able to move, I got angry. I got angry on my behalf, and the thousands of others abused but silence through fear and shame.   I made a promise that whenever I get the opportunity, I would share my story of healing and help others begin the process of facing their pain and also finding healing.

    Healing from Abuse

    As I shared above, it is possible to recover from abuse.  For some healing is accepting that they will never be completely over what happened there maybe aspects of the event that they will have to deal with at different times.

    I encourage you to seek appropriate support if you are currently dealing with the pain of abuse.  Counselling is available via your GP; additionally, some local churches have qualified volunteer counsellors who will help you as you make the decision to heal.  Alternatively, the Association of Christian Counsellor and the BACP have a list of counsellors in your area that offers a different type of methods to assist you on this journey.

    AS you read this post and consider the content remember the promise in Deuteronomy 31:8 ‘The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’

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  • Negative Feedback Impacts Emotional Pain

    Negative Feedback Impacts Emotional Pain

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    Negative feedback impacts emotional pain, for example, ‘this could never happen to me’ stings and hurts in many ways.  It hurts for me and on behalf of the many victims of abuse that I have the privilege of working with.  These words hurt because it is usually the uninformed words of uneducated, ignorance.   People who after hearing about the horrors of abuse as opposed to empathise they would proclaim, this could never happen to me.  When tempted to say this remember negative feedback impacts emotional pain and that impact is rarely positive.

    These words do not originate with the victim;  It is an echo of many voices as they attempt to blame and unfortunately sometimes shame.  It is the expressions of Individuals who are unaware of how to offer support and as such, they make declarations such as ‘this could never happen to me’ why didn’t you do this or that.  Demands that in retrospect seem so clear to them, they are unable to decipher how the person being abused could have missed it.

    Consider your statement before making it, negative feedback to a victim  is unnecessary, it is unlikely that you would have said anything that they would not have considered.

    Sift feedback

    If you are a victim of abuse and is battling negative feedback, sift the feedback given by others.  Check it against your experience, what you know deep down to be true about you and also compare it with what God said about you.

    An example of negative feedback

    • That could never happen to me
    • Forgive them

    These two proclamations have the capacity to generate more pain; and further harm an individual working through the throes of hurt.  From my years of working with abuse victims, listening to them and also reading stories of people who have come through some extraordinary circumstances, abuse is no respecter of person, it can happen to anyone irrespective of class, age, gender or ethnicity.  Perhaps as you listen to someone share their story you could commend them for overcoming and being strong enough to give you the benefit of their experience.

    The latter (forgive them) is another possibly damaging comment, not because forgiveness is not an excellent idea, it actually frees the person doing the forgiving.  Notwithstanding, people need to work through this process in their own time and at a pace that is comfortable for them.  It would sometimes seem the people pushing forgiveness also have their agenda.  Maybe they are uncomfortable with accepting that someone they know and love could perform such atrocities and they want their own world to be orderly again.  This is prevalent especially in religious circles where victims can further suffer religious abuse.   There is sometimes a push on one hand by friends of the abuser to forgive and on the other hand self-serving leaders encouraging forgiveness.  What is consistent sometimes with these two scenarios is no one holds the perpetrator to any accountability.

    You can support a victim by

    Listening without judgement

    support without attempting to explain away someone’s experiences.

    ‘Be swift to hear, slow to speak..’ James 1:19

    At wounds to scars, we teach that people can heal, move on and find freedom in Christ.

    Are you a church or organisation that would like to learn the essentials of effective listening?  Would you like to learn how to support people working through the pain of abuse  https://www.woundstoscars.com  in conjunction with WHEL (whole healed and empowered living) conducts retreats that can help to give you the tools to be able to offer appropriate love and care to those in this position.

  • Negative Feelings!! There is a Way Out

    Negative Feelings!! There is a Way Out

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    The idea of how to manage negative feelings has mystified the minds of many for years and the answer seems to still be eluding people today.  Many people have questions such as; ‘how do I control my emotions?’.  There seems to be a cloud over this topic and the struggle is real and is affecting many.

    I have been asked this question on many occasions, how do I control the emotions that accompany hurtful situations?  What do I do when I am overcome with emotions that I have not been taught how to deal with?  The answer to these questions is not as elusive as we have been conditioned to believe.  In this post, I will begin to help you make sense of that question and give some added help that will enable you to begin a new life unencumbered by negative feelings.

    I will help you apply relevant scriptures to this very important area.  For example, focusing on what is true will help you manage even the most difficult emotions.

    You will learn that fear can hold you back from achieving your full potential.  I will help you examine several truths that are calculated to combat fear.

    1. Are you honest with yourself?
    2. learn how you benefit from negative emotions?
    3. Learn God’s truth about how to make sense of and change where you are.
    4. Learn how to accept God’s truth for you.

      I am sure you do not enjoy negative emotions, I am also sure you do not enjoy the feelings left over after anger, frustration and bitterness have ripped their way through you and coloured an argument or damage a relationship for the hundredth time.  You do not enjoy it but you are also perhaps at the place where you are lost and need direction. The big question maybe how do I change?  I agree there is a problem, but how do I change it.  Watch this video until the end and also watch the others in their series https://www.woundstoscars.com/healing-emotional-wounds-focus-on-truth/

    https://www.woundstoscars.com/honesty-can-heal-emotional-wounds/ https://www.woundstoscars.com/healing-emotional-wounds-five-day-series/

    Throughout the series, you will gain incredible insight into the reasons for negative emotions and learn the steps to overcome.