We all want to be heard. It is very satisfying when we know that we have been not only been listened to, but have been heard and understood. Have you ever had the experience where you had a conversation with someone and later realised that you both left that discussion with totally different ideas. Different perceptions of what the original conversation was about and frustration ensued.
Conversations gets muddled and the message intended was not transmitted and individuals can be left feeling misunderstood, frustrated and somewhat angry. My hope is that from reading this you will be able to identify any filters you may have, overcome them, and be ready to listen more effectively.
Common Filters.
Culture
Cultural understanding can be a huge filter and can impact the way we listen.
Here’s why
language means different things to different people depending on where they are from. You might be thinking yeah yeah we know that but stay with me. We listen to people sometimes with our filters in place and ascribe meanings to what is being said as we sift the conversation through our filters. For example, I remember the first time a friend called me ‘gal’ now for me this is an insulting term so after the word was said and my shape intake of breath I heard nothing else. She was smiling and I was frowning, preoccupied with my thoughts. However, I held silent long enough to learn that in her cultural context ‘gal’ and girl is used interchangeable and she was not being rude. Exhale. My cultural filter was on and I heard her through that. However, in listening we have to be prepared to resist the urge to judge or make assumptions based solely on our understanding. Ask more questions and listen longer to get the true meaning.
Age
I think this can be somewhat challenging and some might be wondering how can this be a filter. It is true that many people can relate to individuals from varying age groups understanding their language and style of communicating. The speed at which technology grows and language changes, leaves me sometimes feeling out of my depth. I am constantly trying to keep up with new terminology.
Listening to someone younger, for example, a teenager might mean understanding the terms they use. Conversations done done via texting maybe one instance where it maybe necessary to learn the use of different terms in order to respond appropriately.
Interpersonal Styles
We all give and receive information in different ways. For example my husband is a theorist, I am mostly pragmatist/activist. I like to do and he is more comfortable in thinking about, maybe doing it, sometime. After 10 years I am slowly leaning to listen differently. We would be planning and I felt we came to a decision and is off making list and thinking about execution and he is still at thinking stage. I thought the information given was a sure go ahead. I have learnt to check whether we were finished with one stage and confirm when to move on. The way he gave information and the way I received it was completely different and again can result in frustration for the person sharing.
Hint
Take time to understand the way you give and receive information and hold that in mind when listening to someone.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. However, I believe when the above is taken into account they can greatly improve how we truly listen to others and make them feel valued and heard.
Until next time!!