In my interview with Dr. Dunbar, https://www.woundstoscars.com/interview-with-dr-mable-dunbar/she touched on a topic that I find significant and immensely important in its contribution to healing. I am hoping to interview Pastor Victor Marshall to talk further on this topic. He has a workbook and a course designed around this issue. However, until his interview, I decided to write a quick post on the topic, repeating past mistakes specifically looking at the impact of family of origin issues on healing. I will look at the contribution family of origin issues have on emotional wounds. Understanding it can help or hinder healing.
What can be done to prevent the repeating of past mistakes? Is this a conscious or unconscious decision. When repeating past mistakes become unconscious does that mean we are being controlled by someone or something outside of ourselves? What can we do to prevent this? Here is an example, of the unconscious repeating of values we learn in our family. Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of making a statement your mother used to make? Have you ever been told that you act like this person or that from your family? It seems that mannerisms and facial features are not the only things that we inherit. There are certain tendencies that seem to pass on through generations, actions that we unwittingly perform that have been plaguing generations before us.
Repeating Past Mistakes
In an effort to understand this topic better I attend a weekend retreat that looked specifically on breaking family of origin issues. I needed to understand the issues in order to break the cycle. When the test was completed I could clearly see patterns in my family of origin that had repeated in my life, that day I made a decision to pray that it will not be repeated in the next generation.
Awareness is key
Having an awareness of the key issues that has passed from one generation to the next is crucial nevertheless, Sometimes the things that repeat are not things we would consciously choose. At times the things that recur are events that happened and seem repeated through the generations.
At Wounds to Scars, we would like to resource you to deal with life’s challenges and help to equip you to prevent the repeating past mistakes. With this in mind, we have some suggestions to help you identify and deal with the family of origin issues. Things such as;
- Neglect, rejection, abandonment.
- Abuse – physical, sexual and emotional.
- Dysfunctional relationships that exist in your families that seem to echo down through time.
-
Avoidance will not help; therefore pretending that this is not happening will not make it disappear.
-
Do not be afraid to confront the cycles that have been present in your family, especially if you see them repeating in your children. You can protect the next generation by looking at triggers, and hurts that need to be addressed and process.
-
When I saw a pattern in my family I drew a mental line in the sand declaring that this is where it ends. So far and no further.
-
Find a professional who can help you make sense of and process cycle’s that you have identified. Get help in changing patterns and putting new healthier ones in place.