Tag: healing
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Loving Requires Vulnerability
When we’ve been hurt we struggle with a couple of areas. Some of those areas are crucial to the health of any relationship. However, the damage sustained in early life can hinder growth.
Trust, vulnerability and communication are important components of any healthy relationship.
Trust
If you have never experienced the world as a safe place, it impacts your ability to trust. We learn to trust others by experiencing people as reliable. Honesty is essential in the survival of any relationship. However, trust needs time to build. If you notice that you struggle to let others in, give yourself time to heal the broken trust and patiently seek to rebuild.
It is important to note that having safe boundaries is a part of building trust. Permit yourself to do whatever it takes to feel safe again.Vulnerability
Vulnerability grows as we permit ourselves to share parts of us with others. For example, there is some degree of exposure necessary to articulate to others our need for comfort. Expressing an emotion or asking for a need to be met takes courage. However, when you allow yourself to heal and grow sharing your need will become more comfortable.Listening
Listening creates a dialogue where the other person will also have the opportunity to speak. Listening gives insight into thought processes and provides information that will be vital to the building of safe relationships. -
Three key features of Self Sabotage
Self -Sabotage is saying we want something and then go about making sure we do not get it. That might seem contradictory but is the daily reality for many. For example, many know they need help yet ensure they are too busy to get help.
Self-sabotage is rooted in childhood challenges. It is a coping mechanism that followed you into adulthood.
Self-sabotage is connected to the negative messages that you learnt from the abuse you suffered. You would have devised rules to help keep those messages active. For example, you are limiting yourself, i.e. stopping you from achieving at your fullest potential because you are concerned how others will receive it.
Playing small then becomes a way of life. You’ve convinced yourself that it is not safe to grow beyond the people in your circle. whenever this show signs of changing you will sabotage the process.
Procrastination –
We procrastinate when we consistently put things off until the last minute. You distract yourself with a seemingly vital task to avoid working on the critical project. Procrastination is often linked to fear and worry. We ultimately feel like we are not good enough and so we put off doing anything.Perfectionism –
Perfectionism shows up in decision making. It will discourage you from trying new things and exploring new hobbies. The perfectionist has incredibly high standards which are often unattainable.• Perfectionism and low –self-worth works together to help keep the individual from progressing.
Low self-worth
Another feature of self – sabotage is little self-worth. It tells you that you are not worthy of the things you desire. Sometimes while in the middle of reaching your goal some will make what seems like a perfectly logical decision to stop. The reasoning will appear justified unless you understand the mechanics of sabotage.Self-sabotage is the unconscious way of trying to avoid facing challenging situations. It is the fear that stops you from progressing, the butterfly in the pit of your stomach that prevents you from setting reach goals. It is the negative message that whispers lies about your worth and stops you from attending to the task that could change your life.
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Every Problem has a Solution
Every problem has a solution, but no problem has a perfect solution.
Sometimes when approaching problems, we apply a range of techniques. Some of these are designed to sabotage any chance of a resolution. This might sound counterproductive to a decision but sometimes some people do not want closure. Some individuals like the idea of being in perpetual crises.
Sometimes the on-going pressure means that someone will come to their aid.Family values
Sometimes cultures within certain families mean that individuals will apply specific solutions to certain problems. When those techniques don’t work, then it could feel like the problem is unsolvable.To solve problems you have to be ready to apply a range of techniques that can help you reach a solution that is agreeable to you. Prepare to learn new strategies and explore different avenues.
Fear
Fear will also stop you from exploring different options, fear of what the future holds, and fear of the outcome at times prevents people from applying creative solutions.No problem has a perfect solution
Thinking your questions should have an ideal solution could potentially exacerbate the situation. It might stop you from approaching a position with an open mind and prevent you from being flexible. The perfect solution might be the one where compromise and negotiating takes place. What is right for your friend may not be an ideal fit for you. You are unique, and therefore the solutions to your challenges will be tailor-made for you.
