Unprocessed early childhood trauma can have a long-lasting impact for many years; this can reach into adulthood and even influence the next generation. How do we tackle the effects of abuse to ensure that its range is limited and the damage curtailed?
As I went through therapy for the injury, I had to face the many ways early childhood trauma coloured my relationships and the effect it was having on my marriage. At the time of my therapy, we were also getting support for our relationship, some issues related to the abuse some unrelated. Nevertheless, it woke me up to the realisation that I had developed some unhealthy behaviors that had a lot of negative impact throughout the years. Needless to say, my relationships had suffered damage. Some were redeemable other isn’t. After publishing my CD with ten stories of healing a friend text with feedback. She said I understand you so much better now. Hearing my journey enabled her to put my behaviour in context. Her feedback stung as well as and I had to resist the urge to think that I was supposed to be perfect and therefore shouldn’t have anything to work through.
These are some of the things I found consistent in my life and the lives of people that I come in contact with that has also overcome childhood trauma.
Trust
I delved deeper into issues of trust HERE
Dependency or co-dependency
I have to be mindful of the temptation to become co-dependent, you are needed, and you need people to need you. It’s a vicious cycle that can trap you into toxic relationships with unsafe boundaries.
Guilt
Guilt makes us do things we do not want to do, but because we become people pleasers we have an inherent lack of boundaries and develop co-dependency. Trapped in a cycle of rescuer, victim, persecutor
The Likeability Factor
Sometimes the feeling here is if I do what people want then they will like me. I want them to like me. Therefore, I will do what they want. But how about living in a space where you set appropriate boundaries, live in your purpose and not worry about being liked. This kind of confidence may sound scary so let me comfort you a little. For the most part, people will respect you even if they do not know how to or is not willing to say it. Your boundaries will be clear for all to see and it will give you peace and comfort.