Why didn’t you defend me?

‘Why didn’t you defend me?’ This question lingers in many homes and is the basis of numerous unresolved conflicts and lifelong hurt.

Many live in anger for years, and it keeps them from healing and moving on.

Because the one person they would like to supply the answer can’t and in some cases won’t
Because answering you would mean facing their trauma, the one that they have buried and tried to live without tackling. The only problem is you know suppressing has been unsuccessful because you have lived the effects of what they are trying to hide.

Here are some possible reasons mother could not protect you:

1. Perhaps she also suffered abused, and no one defended her. Therefore, she does not have an example of what advocacy should look like for a child.

2. Mother maybe searching for something in herself that she thinks can be found in relationships, to the outside, these are an unhealthy destructive relationship, but they seem to answer a chord within her.

3. Mother is lost and lonely she does not have the tools to defend you. Growing up with a mother who is emotionally inaccessible and unavailable can challenge your sense of self.

Three strategies that will help you heal and move on

Own your truth,

It doesn’t have to be validated by anyone, this is your lived experience, and you know the impact it has had on your life.

Mourn and move on,

Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of what wasnt; this will help to liberate you. Grieving will help you put boundaries in place that will protect you and your children from this unhealthy relationship. It will also contribute to breaking generational cycles of trauma that may exist in your family.

Chose action, not anger

Sometimes people live in anger too long. Anger sometimes acts as a shield to protect them from the individual who has hurt them. Anger doesn’t protect it only harms. If you are still living in angry, perhaps you haven’t allowed your self to process the pain. Do this for you, give yourself permission to heal you are worth it. Giving up anger and choosing to heal doesn’t mean you will have to reestablish or establish a relationship with the parent it just means that you can move on and live life unencumbered by the effects of your childhood.

Raising Resilient Children

Are you parenting after experiencing childhood challenges? Would like help to show up different for your children? Join my five days challenge Raising Resilient Children.

The challenge starts as soon as you sign up and will help you to tackle the effects of past hurts so that you can give your kids a different future.