It was a familiar story, I had heard it many times, some of it resonates with me and so I listened partially until she said the phrase that got my full attention, she said ‘I wanted to be the perfect mother’. I was fully awake then and completely engaged. ‘The perfect mother’ what is that? Do you know what it will look like when you arrive there, I asked? For many the perfect mother/woman means working a full-time job, climbing the career ladder, be present for homework, and serve home-cooked gourmet meals. Do all the cleaning, be available for hubby and do it all again the next day.
While this is happening one myth keeps this woman firmly trapped and in her place unsuccessfully trying to keep up with the pace she has set herself. This myth has been perpetrated by women for centuries and today’s 21st-century woman is no exception. Have you guessed it yet? Yes that is right ‘other women cope therefore I should be able to cope as well’
I recognised the trap it is one that I tried very hard to steer clear of. I have learnt to settle for ‘the good enough, present and emotionally available mother’ I realised few important things that changed my perspective.
If I am not well my children and family will not be able to function as I want them to.
It is important for the children to have a mother who was well and able to be there for them.
I am important and I need to treat myself with respect.
The perfect mother did not exist.
Signs you are running on empty?
- unable to identify your needs?
- Constantly tired?
- Neglect self-care?
- Do not engage in a hobby? Or recreational activity.
- Having difficulty sleeping?
If you are running on empty here are some ways to regain control
- Do you. this is not selfish, it is strategic. You cannot neglect your needs and still function at your optimum.
- Give yourself permission to take a break; this might mean having a takeaway or going to a restaurant for a meal.
- Give hubby the opportunity to help.
- If you are a single parent trying to juggle all the above on your own, there are still things that you can do to love and look after you. This will greatly benefit your children.
- Have meals with the family. Do not use this as an opportunity to catch up on the laundry or any other household chore.
- Rest is important so plan to get 8 hours sleep every night.
- Be able to accept that there will always be the unfinished task.
He is a beautiful promise that will hopefully help you in the quest for balance ‘Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’ Matthew 11:28