Recently, I sat on a panel discussion when an audience member asked a question that immediately caught my attention: “How can I become more confident and bolder in my life?” Many of us have asked this question at some point. As I listened to the other panellists share their insights, offering advice on mindset shifts and practical strategies, I reflected on a deeper layer of this issue—one that is often overlooked.
Sitting there, I thought about the women I have worked with—women who struggle in their mother-daughter relationships. So many of them face confidence issues, yet they rarely attribute these struggles to their upbringing. Why? We are often afraid to unpack the complexities of this foundational relationship. We don’t always acknowledge the lasting emotional wounds or the work needed to heal them. But the truth is, the mother wound affects confidence profoundly, shaping how we see ourselves, navigate relationships, and step into our purpose.
When it was my turn to speak, I shared something I’ve seen repeatedly: women who experience wounding in the mother-daughter relationship sometimes struggle with confidence. This is not just about feeling insecure—it affects marriages, parenting, friendships, careers, and the ability to pursue personal dreams.
How the Mother Wound Impacts Confidence
For many women, the mother wound manifests as self-doubt, people-pleasing, and an inability to set boundaries. Some women grow up in homes where love feels conditional—where approval has to be earned, and mistakes are met with harsh criticism or emotional withdrawal. Others have mothers who are physically present but emotionally unavailable, making them feel unseen or unworthy. Some have experienced enmeshment, where their mother’s needs overshadow their own, leaving them with little room to develop a strong sense of self.
Over time, these experiences shape our self-perception. A constantly criticised woman may internalise the belief that she is never good enough. A woman who felt invisible as a child may struggle to take up space or use her voice. A woman who was always responsible for her mother’s emotional needs may believe her own needs are secondary.
These wounds don’t stay in childhood—they follow us into adulthood. I have met women who struggle to ask for what they want in relationships, fearing rejection or disapproval. Some find it hard to take career risks because they subconsciously believe they don’t deserve success. Others hesitate to set boundaries because they are conditioned to prioritise their mother’s feelings.
The Burden of Trying to “Earn” Love
One of the most heartbreaking effects of the mother wound is the way it convinces women that they have to earn love and are not worthy of support. Instead of walking confidently in their God-given purpose, they may hold themselves back, believing they must prove their worth before receiving anything good. They may become overachievers, always striving for perfection, or shrink themselves, afraid of being too much. In both cases, confidence is affected.
Many of these women also find themselves stuck in patterns of appeasement—trying endlessly to please their mothers, even when it costs them their emotional or physical well-being. They may feel responsible for their mother’s happiness, carrying guilt and shame whenever they prioritise themselves. Some women don’t even realise they are doing this; it has become so ingrained that it feels like second nature.
Breaking the Cycle & Reclaiming Confidence
Healing from the mother’s wound is a journey, but the first step is awareness. Understanding the ways this relationship has shaped your confidence allows you to begin rewriting the narrative. You do not have to stay trapped in patterns of self-doubt or people-pleasing.
Here are a few steps to begin reclaiming your confidence:
1. Acknowledge the Impact—Recognise how your mother-daughter relationship has influenced your self-esteem, boundaries, and sense of worth. Acknowledgement isn’t about blame—it’s a crucial step in healing.
2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs – Think about beliefs you have since childhood that no longer serve you? If you believe you are only worthy when you are “perfect” or your needs don’t matter, it’s time to challenge those lies.
3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt – You are allowed to prioritise yourself. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love your mother; it means you love yourself enough to protect your peace and well-being.
4. Surround Yourself with Support – Healing happens in the community. Find spaces where you feel seen, heard, and understood. Support might be therapy, coaching, or support groups.
5. Step into Your Purpose—You can build confidence through action. Start taking small steps toward your desired life, even if fear is present. Remember, you are already enough.
A Message for Women Who Resonate with This
As I shared these insights at the panel, I could see their impact on the room, especially on the woman who had asked the question. For her, this was a revelation. Her confidence struggles weren’t just about mindset or self-discipline; they were deeply rooted in her childhood experiences.
If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible, and you can build confidence. It starts with understanding the wounds, challenging the lies, and stepping into the truth of who you are.
I created my premium podcast, Unpacking the Stories That Shape Us, as a space for women like you to begin this journey. You’ll gain the tools to heal, rebuild your confidence, and walk fully in your purpose through real stories, expert insights, and coaching.
You don’t have to keep carrying these wounds alone. Healing is your birthright. Confidence is possible. And you are worthy of it all.
Let’s start the journey together. HERE