Recently, I received a call from a young woman who wanted to educate her church about grooming. She also wanted to teach older men appropriate behaviour towards younger women.
Her request intrigued me, so I asked what influenced her desire to address this issue. She shared her experiences leading her to this point and talked about how she thought of gradually drifting away from the church.
She began attending less frequently and was contemplating stopping altogether because she did not feel safe or protected. She felt unable to challenge the men who thought it was acceptable not only to shake her hand but also to caress it, rub her back, and make inappropriate comments while looking at her suggestively.
These were some of the things she had to endure week after week. Other men and women witnessed these behaviours, yet no one defended her. She concluded that the lack of family support in that church left her vulnerable, making it easier for her to leave.
Calling me was her last attempt to educate the congregants, which may help her stay safe.
After sharing her story, she emphasised, “And I wasn’t dressed inappropriately,” reflecting the pervasive belief that sexual harassment stems from women’s actions or attire. She felt the need to assert this in her defence.
Why do people look the other way when women experience harassment in church? While there are many layers to this issue, it is time we peel them back and confront the truth about why women and children are vulnerable in church settings.
Here are some key reasons I have observed over many years:
1. Misplaced Loyalty to Leaders & Institutions
Many churches prioritise protecting their reputation over safeguarding victims. When someone discloses abuse—especially involving a respected leader—some individuals fear that acknowledging the issue will “damage the church’s witness” or “bring shame to the body of Christ.” This deeply embedded culture of silence often results in silencing victims instead of holding perpetrators accountable.
2. A Culture of Forgiveness Without Accountability Teachings on grace and forgiveness can excuse or minimise harmful behaviours. Women who speak up are often told to “forgive and move on,” while perpetrators receive second chances. No one holds them accountable for their actions.
John preaches that we need to “bear fruits worthy of repentance,” but this does not apply to some offenders. Ignoring abuse and pressuring victims to forgive perpetuates a cycle where abuse is dismissed, leaving many to deal with the aftermath of perpetrators’ actions.
3. The Desire to Avoid Conflict
Many churchgoers believe that confronting serious issues, even blatant ones, might “cause division.” They prefer to preserve peace at the expense of justice. This desire to avoid conflict often leads people to look the other way, especially when addressing issues involving well-connected families in the congregation.
These situations can often split churches, as individuals would maintain relationships rather than confront wrongdoing.
4. Personal Biases
Some people hold deeply ingrained biases that lead them to question women’s credibility when they report harassment. They might say, “Are you sure you’re not misinterpreting?” or “Maybe he didn’t mean it that way.” Women are frequently doubted, scrutinised, or blamed for “tempting” the perpetrator.
With comments like, “What were you wearing?” – blaming the victim, many chose to leave the church rather than disclose.
5. Fear of Challenging Authority
Some understand that challenging authority figures could jeopardise their position within the church hierarchy or ruin friendships with influential people. As a result, the social cost of speaking out can seem too high.
6. A Theology That Silences Women
Certain church teachings uphold male dominance and discourage women from speaking out. Misinterpretation of scriptures such as 1 Timothy 2:11-15 contributes to this issue, promoting silence among women.
Women may feel powerless to report harassment, choosing to suffer in silence.
7. A Lack of Safeguarding Measures
Without clear safeguarding policies, reporting systems, or training on handling abuse, many churches are ill-equipped to respond appropriately. Individuals often default to minimising, dismissing, or ignoring serious issues without a structured process.
The Consequences of Looking Away
When churches fail to act, women are left unprotected, unheard, and often spiritually wounded. At the same time, perpetrators continue to harm others, knowing they can act without consequences.
Due to the devastating nature of abuse, safeguarding should not be seen as an attack on the church; instead, a cultural shift is necessary to ensure the safety of vulnerable individuals.
To break this cycle, we must take action and advocate for an environment where everyone feels safe and respected.
Join us at – Healing the Church 4-Day Virtual Event – March 24- 27 11Am- 1PM.
