In my last post The language we cry in I spoke about the strategies that are sometimes used to numb our pain, all in an effort to not cry. I highlighted that drugs, alcohol, spending and at times religious activities are utilised in an attempt to anesthetized and conceal pain. I feel this conversation can go on for a long time, however, I will add this last note on the subject, at least for now.
In this post I want to focus
on other ways in which we numb our pain
I wan to add early that it is ok to cry, cry your prayer
if that is what you need to do.
Do not use anything to shut it down or try to push it away or bury it.
I became aware that the questions that we have for God and the anger that we feel but try to ignore are sometimes operating simultaneously. There are at times huge efforts employed in hiding from Him, some people use alcohol to block it some people use sex. Many have succumbed to the lore of the porn industry, which has become a billion pound industry in some ways benefiting from others pain.
Sex, drugs whatever is used as medication, a way to shut down, shut out and turn off the pain of what we are feeling. I believe many think if they allow themselves to feel the pain will break them and you cannot afford to be broken. The fear of falling apart enables the development of dysfunctional and destructive behaviors that will create more harm, more pain and more problems.
The enemy will not disclose the shame and guilt
that will add to those that already exist, He will not tell
you that the need to numb will keep you in a destructive
Cycle and it will be hard break free.
The best way to turn it off and silence the noise of the pain and brokenness is to deal with it. Deal with it by having a friend or someone to call whenever you need to; I pray that If you do not have one that you will be sent someone who can listen without judging.
Many use the alcohol and drugs and sex to shut the anger down, anger that is sometimes directed at God. Where were you? Why did you allow this to happen to me, why me, why now, why didn’t you stop it? Why have you allowed these things to happen, why are they still happening? Take those words to Him He is not afraid of them. He will not cower and hide in Jeremiah 29:11(kjv) the bible says:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
If you cannot see that plan working out for you now, if you are failing to see that peace and instead there seem to be turmoil everywhere. You are still battling with pain and you are still trying to shut down and numb. If you are still trying everything in your power not to fall, apart I encourage you to cry that prayer too. He is not afraid of your anger. The Holy Spirit will present your prayers with groaning that cannot be uttered. Find a friend; find a therapist, find somewhere to scream. The root of many physical illnesses is as a result of suppressed emotional pain therefore getting help will facilitate both physical and emotional wholeness. Do not hide your vulnerability from God He knows and He cares and he is not afraid of your honesty.
I pray that you will find a safe place or space where you can express your sorrow and brokenness and find freedom.