When I showed my husband the title of this blog, his perplexed expression communicated his thoughts clearly. He finally said ‘Love does not hurt.’ His tone confirmed his confusion. I quickly added that agape love does not hurt. I believe that relationships based on agape love will restorative and affirming not seek to cause pain and suffering. However, many people enter relationships with less that self-less motives and result hurt and confusion causes havoc in someone else life. Jesus advises husbands to love their wives as He; Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.
However, there are unfortunate instances when love does hurt. Love hurts when a wife; rosy with the expectations of a new life finds herself alone on her wedding night trying to work through what went wrong between walking down the aisle and the trip to the hotel. Abandon, alone, confused, afraid to face the possibility that her tomorrows will follow a similar pattern.
When does love hurts
Love hurts when a woman joins a family with children, routine, family values and their culture. The cherished hope of being ‘the woman’ in the home gets quickly dashed. Instead, she is greeted by resentful children, spiteful in-laws, and an indulgent partner, trying to appease everyone, except her. Love hurts when she finds herself on the outside looking in. This woman can spend many years feeling alone and lonely in a family. Her opinions are unheeded and suggestions repulsed. However, she is expected to conform and may even be told to submit. She is alone afraid of sharing her situation, fearful they may seem trivial to the outsider. She battles on her own isolated, forlorn, confused and dejected.
Love hurts when the innocence of childhood and youth is stolen through someone else’s lack of self-control and evil actions. The awakening and callous disregard for this fragile gift change their world forever. Love hurts when the adult becomes aware of this once more and freefalls into the abyss of pain, shame, hurt, despair and misery.
Love hurts when the church disregards emotional pain and bandages it with condemning words and unreasonable expectations. Love hurts when perpetrators are protected, and victims are blamed.
Love hurts when parents do not put effective boundaries in place, and children grow into adults picking up the pieces of disorder and dysfunction. The fragments of ineffective parenting skills, unsafe boundaries, chaos and inherited tendencies, which has the potential to destroy the adult.
The ideal that we have in scripture teaches us that love does no harm to his neighbour, its first peaceable and kind. Love, true love considers the interest of others better than oneself. Where and when did it all go wrong? How have we moved so far away from the ideal to the place where the world seems an unsafe and hostile place to many.
Here are THREE things to do if you are going through the pain of hurt from a loved one.
1.Trust how you feel, accept the truth about your intuition and feelings around. Awareness and acceptance are crucial to asking for help and support.
2. Ask for help; I cannot overstate this key steps. Sometimes guilt and a sense of failure can prevent us from asking for help, but I want to encourage you to reach out for help. There are many people; professionals and laymen who will be able to empathise and walk with you through the difficult places.
3. Avoid negative people; this includes the well-meaning ones who thinks they have a better understanding of your life and pain than you do. The ones who are free with their advice and instructions and does not demonstrate and model the love of Christ.