Wholehearted living as a Christian Woman

I empower Christian women to heal from trauma and live authentic lives aligned with their faith. By guiding them to discover their true selves in Scripture, I help them embark on a journey of wholehearted living. Having struggled with internalized shame and the need to please others, I understand the challenges many face.

I once used busyness and service as a shield to hide my shame, but I came to realize that I was not living authentically in my Christian walk. Deciding to let go of this facade, I discovered that true discipleship requires honesty and vulnerability. The journey toward wholehearted living is challenging but leads to freedom.

I learned to value and accept myself independent of others’ opinions. Now, my worthiness is grounded in my identity as a child of God rather than in external factors.

When you internalize shame, it feels like everyone can see it—that everyone can see you’re not good enough. My antidote to that was becoming the best people-pleaser around. I believed I could work my way into God’s heart the same way I tried to make myself indispensable to friends and family.

No one told me this was unsustainable, and even if they had, I’m not sure I would have listened. My counsellor during that time couldn’t reach me, though she tried. One day, she handed me a list of positive words on several small pieces of paper. She said, “These words describe how I see you.” She explained that seeing yourself differently from how others see you is a sign of low self-esteem.

That truth hurt, and I hated her for daring to tell the truth, but I kept those words. I couldn’t connect with them, so I tucked them away in a book on my shelf for years. Yet, they never left my mind. Every time I walked by that book, it stood out, urging me to take another look and connect with those words.

That moment began my courageous journey toward authenticity, starting with myself. Wholehearted living as a Christian is not for the faint-hearted; it demands courage and support.

As you embark on wholehearted living, others may label you as problematic or not Christian enough. People who once benefited from your people-pleasing might struggle to accept that you no longer serve them in the same way. But remember, this journey ultimately leads to a profound sense of freedom.

The Journey

As I embarked on what I now know was wholehearted living, I dropped every position I held in the church. I wanted to test whether I would still love God if I didn’t feel the need to appease Him. Living an inauthentic Christian life creates a lack of honesty in your relationship with God. The busyness and service were more about trying to please Him and finding places where I belonged rather than true discipleship. Many Christians don’t yet understand or accept that we entirely belong to God, and nothing we do can change that.

Society conditioned us to believe that our worthiness—even to God—depends on our actions. The rewards we get from people-pleasing in our relationships bleed into our relationship with God. But when you commit to wholehearted living, you must face the truth about who you are and learn how to bring that truth to God.

At first, it feels exposing, and you may want to hide, but as you learn to sit in His presence, naked and unashamed, you begin to see yourself as He sees you. Brene’ Brown said that wholehearted living involves our head and heart. It’s work that requires intentionality and the willingness to feel all the emotions that come with it. It’s not surface-level work; it involves depth, honesty, and the courage to touch on the places we try to hide.

Honesty

I learned that God values honesty above all. Despite all my work and good deeds, He just wanted me to be honest. He wanted me to own my past and mistakes and believe in myself and what He said about me.

Over the years, I slowly learned to trust that He doesn’t need me to do anything for Him to love me. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16.

Beginning to accept and settle into that love entirely freed me. While the work of living out that freedom is ongoing, it has had a massive impact on my marriage, parenting, and friendships. It has enabled me to be honest in any room, to express how I feel, and to embrace who I am.

I let go of many religious practices that I only did to appease God. Friendships changed, and I learned what it takes to belong to myself, to love and accept myself without sacrificing who I am to be accepted by others. My worthiness comes from God— I am who He says I am—not the length of my skirt, my diet, how I serve, or my connections.

Courage